History SL essay - In what ways and to what extent were German and Austrian policies responsible for the outbreak of the World War I?

This an average essay for my History SL classes. I got 14/20 for it which would be a 7 on Paper 1 but I'm not sure what the grade would be on an average essay, I guess a 5... I live in Poland where we have a different grading system so I got a 4- out of 6. I have written it by hand so I will also try to put my essay with teacher's suggestions, there are plenty of them and they are quite helpful. As my history teacher suggested the "Wordcount" written at the bottom isn't neccessary because it does not contribute anything to writing an essay but I don't remember other mistakes. Anyway, good luck and sorry for my grammar and spelling errors. English is my third language so yeah...