Writers' Corner

[BIO-AQUA]

Hello everyone,

Just wanted to share with you one of my short tragic passages. I just love writing symbolic and tragic stories. In the words of Lc, "Here goes nothing".

There she was.. lying beside the mud pond, waiting for the final tears to drift away with the cold, yet gentle breeze.. "Why?".. She kept wondering.. My sons, my men. Both of them whom I treasured and raised with my own two hands.. She bends down and looks at her dark, torn hands with pain and agony. She could hear her soul tearing apart.. "What had gone wrong?".. The last tears leave her dry skin onto the mud, mixing with grief and sorrow.

She rests her body on the dirty, yet fertile soil of the woods.. Still beside the mud pond as a strong wind shoves the yellow, yet ripe leaves of the apricot tree.. Yes, that tree that used to share her happiness and joy, now shades her body.. Her corpse. There she lay, as the sky roars with thunder and the rain falls quickly, yet massively.. The mud droplets flying away from the pond onto her old, yet shiny face. Alas, she can not feel them this time.. This time is different. This time is over.

The sky kept roaring with thunder and the rain falling, and there she lay under that tree. The tears of the sky fall gradually, yet surely on her mud-covered face, washing it with heavenly pureness. The wind is livid, for it has been with her throughout the torment. The rain is unforgiving, for it has witnessed her unbearable misery. The tree is despondent, for it has long wished to hold her close in a different way. The pond is down, for now there won't be anyone to come visit. The question remains "Why?". Why is humanity unforgiving...

Have a nice day everyone.

[Ruan Chun Xian]

The wind is livid, for it has been with her throughout the torment. The rain is unforgiving, for it has witnessed her unbearable misery. The tree is despondent, for it has long wished to hold her close in a different way. The pond is down, for now there won't be anyone to come visit. The question remains "Why?". Why is humanity unforgiving...

I especially liked this last part. It sums up the whole piece in a very desperate way, with an unanswered question. Well done.

I'm so not getting anywhere with the next chapter of my fanfic/novel. I know what is supposed to happen but I'm just putting off writing it for some reason. It's not really writer's block or crasting...more like a combination of both. I don't know.

[BIO-AQUA]

There's this poem I'd like to share.. It's actually hanging on my bedroom wall..

BE YOURSELF

The world would like to change you;

There are pressures all around.

You must decide just who you are,

Then firmly hold your ground.

You have an image of yourself,

An ideal sense of you;

And to this vision you must always

Struggle to be true.

You know what you are good at,

And you know where talents lie;

But if you're ruled by others,

Your uniqueness could pass by.

Remember, there is much to learn;

But all new things aren't good.

Wisdom lies in what you've learned

And what you have withstood.

So, be yourself and don't allow

The world to take control.

Preserving your identity

Is life's most precious goal.

Bruce B. Wilmer

Edited August 29, 2007 by BIO-AQUA

[Guest JustinaW]

There's this poem I'd like to share.. It's actually hanging on my bedroom wall..

Beautiful, beautiful poem…I would do a full blown commentary but I have an EE that needs to be written. While I’m here however I’m going to share a poem that my English teacher shared with us last year (he was a daoist)

The dewdrop world

is the dewdrop world,

and yet---and yet

-Isa Kobayashi

[Ruan Chun Xian]

Beautiful, beautiful poem…I would do a full blown commentary but I have an EE that needs to be written. While I’m here however I’m going to share a poem that my English teacher shared with us last year (he was a daoist)

You sound like me. Earlier in the year I was bored enough to read a very short (300 words) passage of prose written by Lc and ended up writting an 800 words commentary on it.

Bio-aqua, I like the message in that poem. And the simplicity of the way it's told.

The dewdrop world

is the dewdrop world,

and yet---and yet

-Isa Kobayashi

[Guest JustinaW]

I think its about his child's death

[Ruan Chun Xian]

I think its about his child's death

Well I didn't quite see that. I can see the regret and denial though. It's up for interpretation, I guess.

Earlier in the year I was bored enough to read a very short (300 words) passage of prose written by Lc and ended up writting an 800 words commentary on it.

And just to share this extract & commentary with you. Yes, I was bored.

Spoiler - Click me!

The extract – by ~Lc~

“What do you want from me?” she asked impatiently “what is it you want from me?!” she repeated, too eager to wait for a reply. “What-“

“I want you!” he interrupted. “I don’t want anything from you, because you can’t give me anything I don’t have. I have you! So close to me” he moves closer “so intimate, but you keep pushing me away! Don’t you understand I don’t want anything! Nothing!” he concluded, not noticing he was shouting.

He put his hand on her cheek. She grabbed it softly, embracing it completely with her face, proceeding towards his lips to kiss him only to stop a few centimeters away.

“Go on” she whispered feeling his breath on her face.

“I want to know what’s in that nut shell of yours!” he said playfully, coming so close to her that she was nervous once more.

“Oh no” she thought. “not again, I can’t do this again. I can’t push him away anymore he’s going to get me this time, and I’m going to let him” were her last thoughts as she surrendered her body into to his trustworthy hands.

She kissed him so passionately that she would’ve sworn she felt fire coming out of her lips. She was his fuel, he was her source of energy, and they were surrounded by oxygen. The perfect combination to start fires which completely destroyed forests, buildings, and now her innocence. She had given in to temptation, and he had seized the opportunity. Now the only thing racing through her mind was the same question she repeated to herself so many times that it felt like déjà vu when bringing it up.

“Will I have a married life with him?”

***

The commentary – by HMSChocolate

This text is an extract from a longer story. In the short length of the extract, the author is able to demonstrate the strong longing, temptation, danger and despair in a forbidden relationship. This is done effectively and most prominently through the use of contrast.

The extract starts off directly with a question, asked “impatiently”. We can tell from the question that it is asked quite forcefully. This immediately foreshadows the tension that is coming in the text. The question is repeated again for emphasis, but this time the addition of “is it” lends even more force to it. We can further sense the urgency of the female character when we learn that she is “too eager to wait for a reply”. The word “eager” implies that she is looking forward to, and perhaps even longs for, an answer from her lover.

The question would have been repeated a third time if she is not interrupted by the male character on line 3. The interruption is particular significant because it abruptly cuts across her eagerness. It puts a stop to her anticipation and gives her the answer she longs for sooner than she expects it. This foreshadows the physical encounter the two characters embark on later in the extract, which also comes sooner than she was expecting or was perhaps ready for.

The male character’s reply clearly demonstrates his despair. “I want you,” he says. Yet a line later, he states, “I have you”. He has her yet he still wants her. This clearly implies that while he has her in front of him, he doesn’t totally behold her as she “keep pushing [him] away”. It is possible to hear the pain of the character in his speech, as having her in front of him but unable to be completely his is probably more painful to him than if they were far apart. Indeed, on line 6, he says. “…I don’t want anything! Nothing!” This is a direct contradiction of his earlier statement, “I want you!” This contradiction further emphasises the character’s despair as we can tell perhaps even he was not very aware of what he was saying.

Following this passionate speech is a simple gesture: “He put a hand to her cheek.” The phrase “She grabbed it softly” is very intruiging. The word “grabbed” implies a harsh and strong action, yet it is placed in the middle of two very gentle descriptions: the tender action of him putting a hand to her cheek and the word “softly”. Indeed, the contrast between and juxtaposition of “grabbed” and “softly” helps add to the tension of the scene as we are reminded of perhaps how far they are from each other, despite being physically close together. It is also very interesting how “she embraced [his hand] with her face”. One would think it would be his hand that embraces her face. But this unusual syntax might further emphasise the fact that he doesn’t, in fact, have her in his grasp.

The tension is paramount when she starts to lean in to kiss him. But then she stops “only a few centimeters away” from his face. We can sense the frustration and longing that is present in the situation as the author ends the paragraph abruptly here. The temptation of the kiss is heightened in the next line, when they still remain close enough that she could feel “his breath on her face”. The male character attempts to lighten the mood in the next line by speaking “playfully” but he only succeeds in increasing the tension even more as he leaned even closer to her, thus “making her nervous once more”. Once again, we see the author’s use of contrast to project the mood of the situation.

The description of the kiss is laden with words associated with fire. The use of fire to denote passion is rather a clichéd concept, however, it effectively demonstrates the longing, temptation and danger of this situation more because it is clichéd. It implies that this is perhaps not the first time the characters are caught in this situation. The passion is more prominent now that they finally succumbed to it.

The extract ends with a question, a question to which we are not given an answer. The question certainly that leaves us hanging at the end will ensure that we will remember the piece as we continue to ponder it. If this piece is read in isolation, the reader can easily be frustrated by the lack of conclusion and will not experience the catharsis they might have with a complete story. However, we must remember that this text is an extract from a longer story therefore it is probable that a conclusion with be reached in a subsequent portion of the story.

Though this is a short extract, the author successfully demonstrates the tension between the two characters as they are caught in a dilemma between their passion and rules of society. The tension is kept thick throughout the piece and the ending question not only maintained that tension but keep the reader in suspense, and wanting more of the story.

[Close]

[~Lc~]

God bless those boring days back in the writer's soc on TSR haha

I reread it now, and I can't believe how spot on you were about almost all the techniques I meant to use. I mean I didn't believe my teacher when she told me writers actually think about the techniques when the write, but I believed her after I wrote this

reading ur commentary all over again actually reminded me of what I was thinking when I wrote that extract

damn it I wanna finish this book!

[Guest ollintonatiuh]

I love the sun of the flowers and your mouth that enables

all switches, all lamps of my heart of lamb.

some say i dont want to share

this terrible piece of shade.

what is the colour of your love?

i dont know,

it's only that im blind when im alone.

[Ruan Chun Xian]

I love the sun of the flowers and your mouth that enables

all switches, all lamps of my heart of lamb.

some say i dont want to share

this terrible piece of shade.

what is the colour of your love?

i dont know,

it's only that im blind when im alone.

I like it. Especially: "all lamps of my heart of lamb". I like the word play with lamp and lamb there.

I was looking back at my blog yesterday since when I started it in 2005. My god, the entries were so boring back then. I complained a lot about IB.

[Ruan Chun Xian]

This thread is so dead. So I just want to share something I wrote ages ago (grade 8). I got an A for it which I was so proud of then.

The REAL Story of the Princess and me [the Pea]

Have you ever heard of the story of the princess and the pea? Of course you have. Do you believe it? I don't. I witnessed it all, and that story they told is as fake as can be. Let ME tell you the REAL story.

Let me introduce myself. I am The Pea. Just call me, well, I don't know, just call me "the Pea", I guess.

Once upon a time...ok, ok, I know that's a pretty boring start. Let's try again.

That night, I was outside in my pod, freezing to death. The gardeners came to tend to me and said I was not ready to be eaten yet. I'd say, being stuck in this freezing weather, I'd rather be eaten that frozen. The gardeners went on talking about the Crown Prince who wanted to marry a real princess. They say he traveled around the world to find her but hadn't.

I can still remember it as though it had happened yesterday, the night that changed my life. It was a stormy night, and the temperature went down to -30*C. I looked longingly at the palace doors, wishing myself in the arm cellar with my fellow pea friends. Suddenly, I saw a shadow fighting the wind towards the palace.

"Who’d be out in this weather?" I asked myself.

Sometime later, the gardeners came out and got me out of my pod (took them long enough). They said I was to be put under 20 quilts and 20 mattresses. TWENTY???? That would be 40 layers of bedding! How am I supposed to survive?? I was too depressed to hear what they said next. I think it was something about a real princess being proven.

Sure enough. The Queen was in the bedroom, all the quilts, mattresses and pillows were on the floor. The put me on the bedstead, and piled quilts, mattresses and pillows on top of me. I couldn't move a muscle. The whole night, the princess (or so she say) slept soundly. She slept soundly alright, but I was not having a good time. She was so heavy that I could hardly bear it. I rolled out of the bed and jumped up and pinched the princess on the nose. The princess woke up and saw me; I was so scared she would eat me that I jumped off the bed and under the bedding. That's how she knew I was there. There was no way, not even a real princess could feel me through all those mattresses and quilts.

The next morning, the Queen came to ask how the princess slept. She moaned:

"I could hardly sleep all night. I was lying on something so hard that I'm black and blue all over!"

She's black and blue! What about ME???

The princess married the prince and they lived happily ever after. *yawn* Yeah, you know the rest.

Now comes the exciting part. The part about ME!! I got to be put on a velveteen cushion in a museum and people from all over the world came to admire me. I also got the "Honorable Pea Awards." Cool, right?? One night, a black shadow came in and stole me out of the museum. Guess where I am now?? I am in the robber's house, telling him the story.

NO!! No! Robber, no!! Don't eat me, please! I'm hard and old!!! NO! Robber, DON'T!! Aaaargh!!!

********

THE END

(A happy ending???)

-----

In the same assignment, a friend of mine wrote this, which I loved. The whole McDonalds thing was an in-joke in the class, but still, it's funny.

FryGirl: A Messed Up Cinderella Story

It's not my fault that I had to drop out of High School that I ended up a fry girl at McDonalds. It all started when dad remarried after mom had died in that freak escalator accident at our local mall. He thought I needed a mother then, so I guess he just married the first woman he saw on the street. My new stepmother was (and still is) an awful, horrible, and ugly woman. She brought along with her, not one, but two awful, horrible and ugly daughters. They were named (which I found hilarious) Laverne and Shirley.

Soon after the wedding, my dad died of a heart attack, (probably because he finally had a look at his new wife). I had to leave school because my new stepfamily could not support themselves after they used up my family's entire fortune. Shortly after the funeral, we went bankrupt, and of course Ms. Evil Stepmother would never, ever think of sending her own precious darlings out into the world to work. So whom does she force to work, and become a fry girl?

Bingo.

Me, Anita M. Jennings, fry girl extraordinaire. That's also my new name from my evil stepsisters. FryGirl. Of course I long to go back to my school, and be with my friends, and I would do almost anything to go back there. I must admit, it's not so bad all of the time; I actually love the smell of the hamburgers cooking and the potatoes sizzling in the hot oil.

It's truly amazing how thin I stay. Despite the fact that I have to work in the house during all of my free time, I always have time to dream about the day when I will meet my prince charming.

Sigh! Today after my shift ended, I walked home to our big house, (which we cannot afford to keep any more,) and the first thing I hear is, "Oh FryGirl, bring up my laundry!" Snapped Laverne.

Then, " FryGirl, make me a sandwich. I'm still hungry!" Whined Shirley.

Oh good grief!

"Yes your majesties." I called sarcastically up the stairs.

There was a flyer I had pulled out from our mailbox in my hand. When I finally had time to look at it, it read: "ATTENTION ALL SOPHOMORES AND SENIORS. PROM IS NOW SCHEDULED FOR FEBRUARY 12, 2002. PLEASE COME AND VOTE FOR THE PROM KING AND QUEEN OF 2002"

Suddenly, Laverne and Shirley appeared on the stairs. "FryGirl, where is my sandwich?" Shirley moaned.

"And my laundry, FryGirl" Complained Laverne.

Then they both stopped in mid step. "What's that?" They both screamed.

"Nothing," I said, and hid the flyer behind my back. Maybe if they didn't see it, then they would miss the social event of the year. Well, my plan failed when Shirley snatched the paper from behind my back.

"Ooooohhhhh! The prom!" the both squealed.

"This is the end of me," I thought to myself.

That's when the torture began. They went on for days, about how I couldn't go to the prom because I was only a greasy little FryGirl. I cried every night. Then, on the night of the prom, soon after my evil stepsisters had left, something miraculous happened.

My evil manager had called earlier, to say that I had to work tonight. So I couldn't even consider trying to sneak out to the school. I stood outside my front door in my McDonald's uniform with my red and yellow hat on, when there was a twinkling in the space in front of me.

Then a figure in yellow and red with a mop of bright red hair appeared before me. "Ronald? Ronald McDonald?" I exclaimed. "My hero!"

"That's me!" Ronald replied.

"But, but?" I stammered. "We've no time to waste, young lady! You have a prom to go to." he said.

"But, you don't understand. I can't go. I'm only a fry girl..."

"ONLY A FRY GIRL?" he interrupted, "That is one of the most respectable professions I know of" he said.

"But, I can't go, I have to work," I cried. "Easily solved" he said. "Bring me the following: one fry and the spoon from a McFlurry. Oh, and a small cow."

"OK", I said hesitantly, "but where can I get a small cow?" I asked him.

"Don't worry. All that is needed will be provided," said Ronald.

Sure enough, there was a small cow in the field next to our house. I brought everything back to him, and he stood in our driveway and said, "Hocus Pocus, Big Mac-a-Dee. Let this poor fry girl go to the prom, for FREE!"

All of a sudden, the fry turned into a limousine and the cow into a driver for the limo! "But, what's the spoon for?" I asked.

"My McFlurry. Yuuumm!" he answered, and took an M&M McFlurry out of his jacket pocket. I would have laughed, but I was too amazed at the recent events.

"Now, off you go, my McDonald's Child. May the Big Mac be with you" he said.

"But, I can't go in THIS" I complained, and gestured to my uniform with all of the grease spots.

"Oh, too true. Too true. Hmmmmmmm. Let me see..." he said, and started to think. He raised his spoon and then shook it at me and said, "Fries, pies, and the crispy chicken. Make a beautiful dress when this spoon starts a flickin'"

My dress was instantly transformed into an elegant gown of silk and satin and upon my feet was beautiful black strappy Gucci sandals.

"Oh! It's a dream come true!" I said "But, what's the catch? It’s too good to be true, and there's always a catch in these things." I said.

“No catch," he said, “just be back at Eleven O'clock tonight."

"That's a catch." I complained "and at Eleven? I thought that these things are supposed to last until midnight?" I queried.

“Sorry, but my watch is an hour slow." He apologized.

"Oh No!" I cried. "I forgot! I still have to work!"

"No problem! I will just make an accurate clone of you to take your place" he said, and waved his spoon.

"There! She's already there. Ok?" he said.

"Thank you! Thank you so much!" I said over and over.

"It’s nothing, enjoy yourself." He said. And with that, he was gone.

I was off to the prom! I arrived at the school at 7:59, exactly one minute early. I walked inside to the gym and it was a breathtaking sight. Everything was draped with blue and silver crepe paper. The lights were dimmed and a magnificent silver disco ball glittered in the middle of the room. The music was blaring out of the speakers and everyone was dancing. I saw many familiar faces, but no one seemed to recognize me. This was a good thing, because I really wanted to avoid those pesky questions.

Suddenly, the captain of the football team came over to me and asked me to dance with him. We danced all night. It was truly amazing. Then it was time for the crowning of the "Prom King and Queen". The announcer came onto the stage and called out the names. The next thing I heard was his voice coming through the speakers. The crowd had fallen silent. “Josh Lancing and..... The mystery girl!"

Everyone cheered as Josh led me up onto the platform. When the crowns were finally on our heads, I heard the clock from the church next door strike eleven times.

“Oh no! Is it eleven already?" I asked Josh.

“Yes, but why?" he answered me.

“I have to go!" I cried and leapt off the stage and disappeared into the crowd. I was almost free, but when I got to the steps of the school, I was reminded of the movie "Cinderella" and the part where she loses her slipper and then her prince found her by trying the tiny glass thing on all the girls in the town.

The gears in my head were spinning. I quickly took off my precious Gucci sandal and kissed it. I then set it down on the step, took off the other on and ran. I ran all the way home. When got home, my dress was gone, and I was back in my McDonalds uniform. I still held the sandal in my hand.

“Where were you?" Laverne asked me when I got in the door.

"Home already are you?" I asked her. “I was at work. Can't you see?" and pointed to my uniform. I gave her that look that tells her she's an idiot.

"I could have sworn I saw you at the prom. The new prom queen looked a bit like you. But then again, how could you have been there FryGirl." She said sarcastically.

I despised her. I almost told her, "Yes you idiot, I was there, and I'm the new Queen." But I didn't. “I’m too tired to argue with you tonight." I said, and climbed the stairs up to my room.

The next day, we got a knock on our door. It was Mr. Lancing. Josh's father, and in his hand was my sandal! He said his son was heartbroken because he had fallen in love with the owner of this shoe, and was trying desperately to find the mystery girl.

"Who is there, FryGirl?" Evil Stepmother said from the stairs. Mr. Lancing introduced himself and showed her the show. Evil Stepmother ran and got Evil Stepsisters.

“Oh I'm sure that's my shoe" both Laverne and Shirley said. Shirley's foot was too fat, and Laverne's was way too long for my small little sandal. When it was my turn, I carefully slipped my foot into the shoe, and Evil Stepmother and company screamed.

I stood up and got the other shoe. “I have its mate too." I said.

"Young lady, I am honored to say, that my son will be very happy to see you again, please come with me." He said. I blushed. I got into his car quick enough that my stepfamily was still fuming.

THE END

What??!! Are you still here? Well, okay. I suppose you're all wondering what happened to Josh, Ronald, my evil stepfamily, and Me.

Well... Josh and I dated for a while and then got married a few months later. I suppose you have all heard about the "Happily Ever After" story, well!!!

Let me clear that whole story up. As much as I would have wanted him to, Josh did not support my want of continuing to work at McDonalds, and after I told him I was a Frygirl. Well let’s just say our marriage didn't last long. Oh, we are still friends and talk every once in a while, but things just didn't work out. So I continued to work at McD's and soon got promoted to Hamburger Cooker Lady and I fell in love... with. You’ll never guess! Hamburger Cooker Man!!!!! I guess fairy tales these days can become a little twisted, but they ALWAYS work out for the best!

[~Lc~]

I love the princess and pea one! ur friend's on is cool as well, just think yours is much more creative

I couldn't help but think that it was kind of TOKish, I mean if you introduce that story to little kids after they've been introduced to the princess and the pea it would trigger their little minds to think "zomg what's true?!"

[Ruan Chun Xian]

I couldn't help but think that it was kind of TOKish, I mean if you introduce that story to little kids after they've been introduced to the princess and the pea it would trigger their little minds to think "zomg what's true?!"

You're the only person who'd think about TOK reading an 8th grade assignment.

I only managed to dig this out because we both posted these on Fictionpress afterwards. It would had been lost long ago otherwise.

[BIO-AQUA]

Good day everyone..

Thought of sharing with you one of my short stories. It's a bit long though, so I divided it into parts. Each week/couple of days, I'll hopefully add the next part. Enjoy...

In Essence Divided

Chapter 1 - The Beginning

Chaos.. Screams.. Agony.. The whole hospital was busy with that woman. Which woman was she? The one dying because of the doctor's incompetence or the one living because of the money her father owns? Well, neither. The woman this time is quite different. She's Bertha, a mother of four children; two boys and two girls.. Now expecting a fifth. The doctor dashed through the room as the woman was groaning with pain. "I can't take it anymore!!" She was screaming at the doctor beside her though he was fulfilling his job.. Or was he? The nurses were all so busy keeping her arms down, afraid that she might jump out of the bed. She was crying with desperate hope.. Is she going to survive this time? The doctor had previously warned her not to conceive, but it was the last time she could ever think of it. Her husband had left for the army three months ago, but never returned back. Eventually, he was announced one of the "martyrs" of his country, the ones that the country is proud to name and talk about forever.

She started conjuring up images of death and its ghosts.. "What if I die? What would happen to Andy, Simon, Lu and Lisa?". She had left her children with their aunt Mary the night before. Her intuition tingled with agony, and Bertha thought she was never going to make it, or at least, the baby was never destined to see the light. "PUSH! PUSH!" The whole crew was at her feet, sweating as they screamed.. And there came the miracle of life. The baby screams were like a soft tune after hours of suffering. The nurses rushed to clean the baby after the doctor finished cutting the umbilical cord. "Congratulations Bertha, she's a girl."

Bertha did not hear the doctor's voice as he spoke to her. She was now caught up in her daughter's little blue eyes.. As if they were talking to her. By then, she remembered her intuition.. What was her gut feeling all about? "The baby's alright and I'm fine- so far. My intuition has never put me down, but this time, what went wrong?". The smile that was drawn on her face was immediately erased as she began to think of the whole issue.. "Mrs. Loft, do you hear us?" She turned towards the doctor who was desperatley talking to her. He was gentle, kind-hearted and good-looking. "I'm sorry doctor, I was just-" She turned again to look at her new gift. She was all new and all different. "Did you decide on a name Mrs. Loft?".. Right, a name. Her dazzling blue eyes have mesmerised Bertha, enough to forget about naming her. She did not put too much thought into it. The name came as smooth as the slow icicles covering the outside window. "I am going to name her Essence, the essence of life. She's my gift and I'm going to treasure her, forever."

The next day came aunt Mary, with the four little angels. They brought flowers and a chocolate bar for their mother.. They knew she loved chocolate, especially white one. Bertha was so happy to see them, and they were so happy to see her indeed. "Where's our new brother?" asked Lisa, looking right and left for the new born baby. "She's a girl honey, and she's in another room.. In a special bed." Bertha smiled as she saw the joyous look on Lisa's face.

- "Another sister.. Wow! We can play together, go to school together, eat together - except for that green broccoli which I-"

- "Honey, let Mom rest now. She's tired and needs to sleep" interrupted Mary as she hugged Lisa and called the other children to leave the room. Surprisingly, they were busy looking from the window at the other boys down the street building snowmen and having snow fights. They had not paid enough attention to their mother a moment since they got in.

Lisa is 3 years old. She is the closest in age to Essence, compared with the other three. Andy was the oldest, 13, followed by Simon, 11. Lu was not that much of a friend to Lisa - she was a bit aggressive provided the age difference. She was 9 years old, and could not handle the pushy nature of Lisa. She always screamed at her, often with slaps and spanks in the end to wrap up the torment. Lisa had wished every night that God send her another sister, one that she can play with and compensate the "suffering" seen through Lu, whom she calls the "evil witch".

Aunt Mary and the four children left to the play room down the hall. She eventually came back and made hot chocolate for two, then sat chatting with her sister. Moments later, the nurse came in with Essence in her hands. Aunt Mary was cheerful to see and hold the little angel. A tear slipped down her cheek as she looked at her sister's face. She knew this girl was different... The nurse left and came back with the four children. Lisa jumped with joy as she saw her sister.

- "Can I hold her? Can I? Hu?" asked Lisa with immense happiness.

- "No you can't and may not. But you can take a look at her from here." replied Mary as she held Essence from a distance.

- "She's smiling at me. I can even hear her little breaths. Listen mom!"

- "She's sleeping honey.. In fact, she hasn't opened her eyes yet."

Bertha was glad to see Lisa bonding with her sister. But what about the other three? They were finishing the chocolate bar and fighting over the last chunk of it. Lisa looked at them and nodded with disapproval.

- "Come and take a look at our sister. What's her name mom?"

- "It's Essence honey. Isn't she wonderful?"

- "Yes she's gorgeous. She's going to grow just like me."

The sky stormed and a few minutes later, lightning struck. The children gathered around their mother and their newborn sister as Lisa sang a lullaby she had learned earlier from preschool. "A little cat sat by me with a glowing glowing ring, she told me that I must run now, for it must lonely sing. I laughed and cried and giggled and sighed but jumped and ran away.. Essence, my dear, you're cute and little and tomorrow we'll all sway."

* * *

Three days later, the doctor came in. Bertha was packing and already dressed up as she noticed the doctor sadly staring at her.

- "Is something wrong doctor? Where's Essence? We're ready to leave."

- "I'm afraid I have some bad news ma'am. Essence is in a dangerous situation.. We have only discovered this the past few minutes. Everything in her body is functioning properly, but Essence is in a coma."

To be continued...

Edited October 2, 2007 by BIO-AQUA

[Ruan Chun Xian]

I hate you! Cliffhanger!!

Ok I know I shouldn't talk. I leave my readers in cliffhangers all the time. It's a nice device when you're writing but as a reader it's frustrating.

This could really get interesting. I love the title by the way. In essence divided. Thought it makes me think of Harry Potter since it was a line in HP. Hehe.

I could never write an actual birth scene though. I don't know, I don't feel that I can capture the essence of the situation enough. But I quite enjoy writing scenes after the birth where people meet the baby and stuff. I have one that I wrote that kind of makes me giddy every time I reread.

[BIO-AQUA]

Ya I know, cliffhanging is good when you're actually the writer of the piece and not the reader. It kind of builds enthusiasm.

It is hopefully going to get interesting. I just love writing stuff that criticize the human nature and its mischief. This is a hint BTW to what is to come.

And about the birth scene, I totally agree. It is one of the most difficult scenes to write. I did not lay much detail into it as the scene itself is not that integral to the plot. It is the hidden details what count and the simple messages hidden hear and there. The intuition, the blue eyes and her name itself - foreshadow future events. They might not be clear right now, but as the plot proceeds, things get a bit more clearer. I'll leave that to the next coming days..

[Ruan Chun Xian]

t is the hidden details what count and the simple messages hidden hear and there. The intuition, the blue eyes and her name itself - foreshadow future events. They might not be clear right now, but as the plot proceeds, things get a bit more clearer. I'll leave that to the next coming days..

Yeah let's not give the plot away.

But now that you've mentioned them...I'll be looking out for these.

I like writing cliffhangers just for the thrill that it gives me as a writer. Since I actually post my fanfic by chapter on the internet, it's a really exciting feeling to know that you've left people wondering what happens after your last word and you and you alone know what happens next. It motivates me to write the next chapter, to be able then to share that relief of the cliffhanger.

But at the same time I hate reading cliffhanger for the same reason - that there's someone out there who knows what happens next and I don't!

So it's ironic.

[BIO-AQUA]

Good day,

Here's the next part of "In Essence Divided".. Enjoy!!

Chapter 2 - The Past and The Present

The doctor’s words struck like a thunder storm.. Bertha could not hear anymore. Essence is in a coma? But she was there last night hugging my little finger with her four tiny ones.. Why? How? When? Bertha’s feet were shaking extensively, and she felt she was going to fall. Aunt Mary held her quick as she fell on the bed, staring at the ground..

The doctor said no more.. He maintained his composure. He knew something went wrong but could not explain it. It was beyond his reach, or even his mind. “Mrs. Loft, I know the situation is beyond any comprehension. It is the first one that I personally encounter.. It was surprising, sudden and out of our reach. She’s now in a world that even science dares not to venture in.” His words were more philosophical than Bertha could comprehend, but alas, she did not even hear him. Her mind was shut though her eyes were open. She too was in an outside world.

That morning was tense.. No words could ever describe Bertha’s situation. Aunt Mary held her tightly as she closed her eyes and muttered a few words. She was praying to God for succor, something that many have lost or do not even know about. “I almost knew that something was going to happen..” Bertha’s first words were surprising. The doctor lifted his head from the tile he was staring at for almost half an hour, and Aunt Mary stopped her whispering and turned to her sister.

“It was my intuition.. It had never let me down, but this time, it took a long time to take effect.” Her tone was quiet. Unlike many others who would scream and groan with agony, she was tranquil, yet torn from the inside. “For how long will she stay in the coma?”

- “One can never tell, Mrs. Loft. This is out of anyone’s reach. It’s God’s mercy and His great forgiveness that will prevail.” Mary smiled as the doctor said these words. She well knew that God never forgets anyone, and that his justice is more than anyone could ever realize. The doctor went on, “Some people last for some hours, maybe days..”

“Maybe years?” questioned Bertha with utter hopelessness. She then let out a huge scream and burst into tears. Her emotions now took over. Two nurses barged right through the door as Bertha cried like she never did before.. The doctor was obliged to take some tough measures. The nurses held her body onto the bed as the doctor gave her an injection. Bertha was now in a similar world as to her child’s.

* * *

The next morning, Bertha woke up. She found Aunt Mary sleeping on the sofa next to her bed. The sun was shining from the window, and some of the ice collected on the window was already gone. Aunt Mary woke up as she felt her sister’s movements. She smiled at her sister, but Bertha looked with deep agony. She took a deep breath and wondered about the time.. Aunt Mary explained it all – everything. Bertha looked at her sister and let a small tear slip by her pale cheek..

“You know I was always the practical one. I always had complete control over events, without one even letting me crack or suffer. Even with my children, I have passed through a lot.. But last night was different.

“Before John went to war, he sat beside me and we talked long enough about everything. He knew he was never coming back.. He had the intuition. But adding to this, he knew that this child was going to be different.. In essence.

“He too was practical and had arranged for everything before he left. Although he hadn’t known her, John gave Essence the largest share along with mine. He had always trusted his intuition, and by following it, he was able to fulfill many of his responsibilities, most of which were matters of life and death. That time, it was a matter of death and he had to take some action. He had somehow assessed his four children; each according to many things in his/her personality. He knew how each one was going to grow up to, and why. But Essence remained a mystery whom he was the only one to solve. He knew that with the largest share came the largest responsibility, but he had faith in God, and trusted his actions.

“On the day he left, he turned towards Essence and kissed her.. She felt it, I knew that. It was the first time I ever saw him shed a tear. ‘Essence, I’ll leave you with a heavy burden, but I know that you’ll manage successfully.’ We hadn’t agreed on a name, but that came as smooth as a leaf on an autumn afternoon.

“On the day I received the news that he was dead, Essence started kicking heavily- I had never felt that in the four other times I was pregnant. It was a double pain; from me and her. She knew that something had happened to her father, probably couldn’t handle it and fell into a coma.”

Bertha listened carefully and tears went along from both of them. The last sentence was a bit vague, even to Bertha.. But the coma came eventually. The doctor then entered to check on Bertha.. Everything was alright. She was told that she may leave the hospital, and come back anytime to check on Essence. Essence was not to leave the hospital.. She was living in a special world; an artificial environment and a world of dreams. She was also told that once something occurs, she will be given the call.

“Don’t!” She screamed and leaned back. “God will always be with us. The plug will always be there, and there will be no call.”

On her way out, she passed by Essence’s room. She was there, in the little incubator, like a little angel with wings of innocence, lost in a world of reverie. Bertha touched the window and felt Essence’s soul.. She then left with all the good memories of the four days, and nine months.

* * *

To be continued..

Edited October 10, 2007 by BIO-AQUA

[Harmonicgirl]

It's something I wrote long time ago;p age 12

***

"All the time we are just dreaming...

About the life, which we are afraid to touch

All the time we are just missing

Missing time that we can't catch

Lost in translation, lost in our minds

Waiting for sunrise in our hearts..."

I predict a great future for many of you - writers;)

[Guest House]

The talent within this (sub?) forum is spectacular! The poetry! The prose! The all of it!

I write some rythmical poetry, but it's more lyrical and entertaining than meaningful. For you die-hard poets out there, Ethan Canter is my favourite poet and I find him deep deep deep. No need for an encouraging reply, i simply hope you find value (not necessarily good, but something that provokes you? I dunno, what do poets look for, if for anything, in other poets?)

where should i put the pain?

how many boxes,

from out back at the liquor store,

for all this fear?

and why does it cost so much

to be so poor?

how alone the wind must feel

in company with the cold

and all the hate it endures.

how starved the ugly must be.

how quiet the ashamed must be.

and how unnoticed

are we

that notice it all.