7 replies to this topic

[brofessional]

Any particular opinions on Tiger Mums?

Edited by brofessional, Apr 02, 2012 - 12:59.

[wombat123]

First of all, your username is full of pwnage!

Some Asian parents are notorious for this. I remember watching a documentary on elite Chinese schools. *shiver* The kids don't always become super depressed, droopy people whose results fall in the end, though. I know a lot of people who were probably whipped by their parents into doing well in school when they were younger, but eventually took the initiative themselves and now their parents probably don't have to chase after them to do it at all. In the grand scheme though, I wonder if in a decade or so they'll realize that they're really lonely, surrounded mostly by academic and material success but without much company. They seem like the type who'd end up doing really well in their career but going back to a cold, empty house at night....

Especially for mothers in China, you have to understand that they only have one kid most of the times, and that one kid they are relying on to get a good career to support them in their old age. That being said, even though I'm part Chinese myself I am so glad I was not born there. I wouldn't say I can justify the pressure these kids receive, because I wouldn't be willing to do it.

[StSilver]

Yeah, living in Singapore this sort of story is all too common here. Most parents would do crazy things to make sure their children go to certain schools (the elite ones) such as buy a new multi-million dollar house near that school or donate money towards it. Once their child gets their place there, they work the kid to the bone to make them THE best at what they do. I'm not Singaporean and don't go to a local school, so I've never been pushed to such extremes.

Obviously not all parents are like that but there are a fair few mothers who are. One of my friends went to Raffles Institution (an 'elite' school) and got a 94% in her one of her exams. Her mother grounded her for 2 months without pocket money because another student got a 97%. The strange thing is that...these are not exactly parents who would need financial support from their children in the future, they've already done well for themselves. It seems to me that having an extremely smart child adds to the list of things you can 'brag' about. A word commonly used to describe Singaporeans is "Kiasu", which, in Hokkien literally means "fear of losing" ("Kiasu or Kiasu-ism means to take extreme means to achieve success"). This seems to be the attitude instilled into these tiger mums.

[brofessional]

StSilver, on Jan 09, 2012 - 11:00, said:

Obviously not all parents are like that but there are a fair few mothers who are. One of my friends went to Raffles Institution (an 'elite' school) and got a 94% in her one of her exams. Her mother grounded her for 2 months without pocket money because another student got a 97%.

The program I saw was far less extreme. Although the mothers constantly pushed their children to better themselves at everything and anything, one followed this 'Asian way', as she called it, that it was about finding the child's best/preferred skill and honing it to death. In theory this sounds like a good idea. Perhaps it leaves the child with an unbalanced education/lifestyle but at least the child has some input into their life. Yet, despite these promising words, they failed to realise it, unfortunately.

StSilver, on Jan 09, 2012 - 11:00, said:

Once their child gets their place there, they work the kid to the bone to make them THE best at what they do.

I also see a lot of third generation British Asian kids, who aren't pressurised into working hard. Obviously their parents had been worked to the bone as you say, but this doesn't seem to be transferred onto their children, which is rather nice to see. It's almost like a balancing out sort of thing, with their parents unwilling to put their kids through the hardships they were put through. However, those kids still get extremely stressed and worried about test scores and chances to get into universities, jobs, etc... and I guess, in turn, those kids who hadn't been pushed hard will subsequently push their kids harder, etc... you see the pattern I'm getting at.

Do you think that this is merely an 'Asian way' (quoting the woman on the program)? Or a common theme amongst many families who originate from poorer countries?

Note: I hope I haven't offended anyone, I tried not to generalise. If I have I'll be more than happy to remove/change anything.

Edited by brofessional, Jan 09, 2012 - 20:14.

[Award Winning Boss]

It can be good but when you mess up a child socially it's gone too far. The years of your childhood are hopefully some to savour ... so let them be children! There's more to life than education.

I've heard stories about children getting into university at ridiculous ages then running away because they don't fit in at all. It's just wasted academic ability if someone hates the way they were taught and starts to resent putting it into use.

I do think children should be motivated from a young age as that's a great time to start learning but when they start to hate it? It's too much.

[StSilver]

I don't think its merely an Asian way, I think that its one of those stereotypes. I also have a caucasian friend whose mother treats him very harshly, all in the name of work. Admittedly not to the level of my Asian friend and he may be one of the exceptions to the "non-Asian's aren't pushed as hard" stereotype. But I think its because people associate high grades and hard work with Asians now.

My own mother, for example was pushed really hard by her father when she was growing up, because they lived in a Malaysian village (kampung) in Sarawak (Borneo). They didn't have much money, and he gave them two options. Either a) Study hard and grind your nose into it or b) work on his farm. Only one of them chose the latter. He pushed them as hard as he could so they could live a better life than he did. That seems to be the motif in poorer countries if the students have some sort of access to education.

[marauder7]

Wow this is interesting.
I think it is natural for a mother to try that their children succeed in life.
It is fine to have some extracurricular activities but only if the child enjoys them.
But I think there are some limits. Childhood is an age when children have fun. They need to play and socialize. Not all in life is succeeding.
Let them stress when they are older and become IB students

[marauder7]

this is the video right?? the debate at the end was interesting.
what can I say is, there are no rules for being a mother. maybe the answer is finding a balance