Is it better to be over-emotional or overly reserved?

[Captain Jeeves]

A friend and I were talking about Pride and Prejudice today during lunch, and character traits came up when talking about Darcy and Bingley. Darcy is very reserved, Bingley more openly emotional - in my opinion, perhaps overly so - but which is better? My friend is actually quite like Bingley and says emotional, I am much more like Darcy and prefer objectivity.

Do you think, in real life, it's better to wear your heart on your sleeve so everyone sees all your feelings, or is it better to have a rather detached approach to life?

[cricketcrazynerd]

I guess I fit into the overly emotional category...if I'm upset it always shows on my face and I always speak my mind...and I don't think this is really that bad. At least, after my emotional outburst, i normally feel much better and relaxed. I can never have negative feelings toward anyone or anything for too long, even if I try to. Also, my friends and family consider me as a loyal person because they know that I can never lie or back stab them in a sense. I'd like to think that I'm a very happy and optimistic person

Science has proven that cheerful people are bound to live longer, so I'd say that wearing your heart on your sleeve is a good approach to life. At least in my opinion because i'm like that

Simran

[Emmi]

It's probably better to be a mix of the two. Bottling up your emotions to the point that when it finally becomes too much and you go insane isn't good physically, mentally, or emotionally, and neither is always being a glass case of emotion and breaking down at the slightest bad thing or always freaking out about something. In either case, you don't want to be around the person because either they're devoid of emotion or they're just insane and too much to deal with.

I prefer not to let the entire world know all my emotions all the time, and oftentimes when I'm going through a rough patch I try to distance myself from most people because I don't want what I'm dealing with to affect them either. But I have no shame in being super emotional, I just save it for the appropriate time and situation and when I'm around the right kind of people who can help me out. It makes for a better internal balance which makes me a healthier person

[Arrowhead]

I would agree with Emmi that a mix is best, but I don't think one can really control one's personality to such an extent.

I am a naturally reserved person. My tutor described me as "clinically detached". I kid you not those were his comments to me. It's just who I am. It takes a lot of time for people to get to know me, I don't make friends easily. I always need a lot of space from everyone. People often interpret that as being reserved and sometimes even antisocial, but unless I'm consciously minding my behaviour, there's nothing I can really do about it.

[Sandwich]

I think being emotionally engaged with life is better. Obviously you can be TOO emotionally engaged and all over the place (read: personality disorder) but readily showing your emotions really helps you to bond with other people, make the most of opportunities and so on. I would classify myself as quite reserved and to be honest I think it's more of an impediment than anything else! I don't think being reserved makes you any more objective, it just puts up all sorts of communication barriers so people don't understand you, don't warm to you etc. because you just end up being inscrutable.

Unless you have psychopathic thoughts/work as a spy or something, it's not going to harm you much. At the end of the day, the main negatives would be things like showing other people you're sad/don't like them/things you don't necessarily want them to know. Which isn't much of a big deal - either you feel miserable and everybody knows it, or you feel miserable and nobody but you knows it. At the end of the day, you're miserable either way, and if people know maybe they can help.

Obviously more reserved (read: introverted) personalities still communicate with people. Everybody has friends! But personally I'd rather be able to strike up a rapport with anyone than have it restricted to just a few people. You can't change the way you are, but if I got to pick I'd rather be more expressive and less reserved.

[Luka Petrovic]

Yin and Yang, Hard and soft, cold and hot. One cannot survive without the other, they cannot be one either. Why not both overly emotional and reserved? Play the card when its right. Both of them have their merits and their flaws.

[Great Polar Bear]

I believe I can provide a first-hand perspective here. I'm actually over-emotional but I do not display my feelings which makes people think I'm reserved. Your description of "over-emotional" refers to actually displaying emotions. In that context, I'd prefer over-emotional. As Sandwich said, emotions help in bonding and connecting with people, something which a reserved person may find problematic to do. However, a reserved person may be more independent, and would be able to solve issues himself/herself. It really depends on your aim, on what you're trying to achieve. If you want to build your personality or if you are goal-oriented (to some subject or study etc), a reserved attitude may serve your purpose better. However, if you want to make more friends, talk to people, emotions play a bigger role. Of course, since the discussion is about being OVER-emotional or OVERLY reserved, each has it's drawbacks which must also be factored into the decision making process (to determine which is "better").

Edited September 25, 2013 by helpfulbucket

[Nabz]

A more diplomatic approach works here, i would say. You don't have to be neither overly emotional nor overly reserved all the time. IT should depends on your mood, the environment and company...Sure you should be overly emotional with the ones who would never harm you in any way...

[Blackcurrant]

Begging the question...

"...Better for what? "

. It seems a strange choice, to the say the least, when neither are particularly desirable traits.

Edited October 11, 2013 by Blackcurrant

[Black Bird Lockheed]

A simple solution is that be reserved to foolish and bad people and be emotionally open to the trustworthy people and good friends.

[IBidiot]

I have to say that when people first encounter me, they find that I am unconventionally quiet. My friends call me a robot and think that I lack all emotions, but of course, this isn't true. Even if I may seem "anti-social" or unaturally quiet, it is just how I am. I like watching events around me and assessing them so that the information I gather from situations can later benefit me. I have to say thought that being so quiet can be very disadvanatgeous, especially when I do not get my ideas out properly. Like many have said before, it is much better to find a balance of the two. Being too reserved can lead to a bottling up of emotions, whereas being overly emotional can seem just overly dramatic and some might not take certain outbursts so seriously rather than if it had happened to a reserved person, in which case, people would immediately pay attention and know that something is terribly wrong.

[ElvenRanger]

This is like the perfect sum-up of so many Star Trek-related occurrences. *fangirl moment*

I agree with everyone who says a mix of the two is better. For those of us who are obsessed with Star Trek, you're asking whether it's better to be good ol' Bones or dependable First Officer Spock.

The answer? Jim needs both of them to analyze their situations and pull off the miracles he can. He needs both the Voice of Emotion as well as the Voice of Reason (and he somehow magically balances them out almost perfectly) to be the most amazing (yes, I'm biased, but you can't deny his greatness! ) Captain in Starfleet history.

Star Trek fawning aside, though , I've seen this come up many times in my own life as well. Like IBidiot (and by the way, if you're taking 4 HL's, you definitely are not an idiot. Crazy? Probably. But not an idiot.), my friends over the years have tended to call me an emotionless robot (huh, very similar to people's perceptions of Spock) when really, the very opposite is true. Thanks to something that happened to me in fifth grade, I've learned when to be extremely passionate (Harvard rants ) and when to numb the outside world to the emotions raging inside me. In the past year especially, I've opened up a lot to my friends and have surprised some of them with just how emotional I can get. Though I do generally stay more reserved and quiet in new situations.

[Captain Jeeves]

Hey, a fellow Trekkie! Spock and Bones did come up in the original conversation, funnily enough.

I guess I was trying to pose it as a "would you rather" question rather than anything else, though.

[ElvenRanger]

Yeah Trekkies!

Hmm, well, even though I identify a lot more with Spock, I prefer Bones's qualities both in Star Trek and in real life. Not to say that Spock can't be funny (The Voyage Home ), but man, he's no match for DeForest Kelley and Karl Urban! They play the snarky doctor so well and in TOS/the olden movies, he had the best lines. I do think that with the reboot movies, we see more of Spock's snarky side, but I think that's because JJ Abrams was focusing mainly on developing Spock and Kirk's friendship, whereas Bones and Kirk he probably figured viewers already knew were very close.

Probably one of the main reasons why I don't usually enjoy coming across others too similar to Spock is that I feel they're too similar to me, lol. I've grown a lot in the past couple years by having a best friend I'd consider overly emotional, whereas if that friend was overly reserved like me, I would probably have closed up even more and become more Vulcan-like rather than showing my emotional, human side a bit more.

Sorry for rambling on, whoops ; and hey another 2015er! Live long and prosper, fellow Trekkie, and even though we've still got about 19 months to go, I wish you the best of luck on those exams.

[Rasmus Hvid]

Too add to the discussion. By overly reserved, are you referring to just in general not speaking to many people and shying away from encounters or are you talking about showing your true emotions. I myself tend to hide my true feelings from the majority of people around me but instead but up a shield of common traits which I can connect with other people on?

In this case, is it better to put up a shield and hide yourself, is it best to not show any emotions or is it best to be a mess of emotions coming out from everywhere. Also due to the nature of the arguement, we should consider these situations as definite and not being able to create any middle ground.

[r1111]

There are clear disadvantages of expressing too much emotion but also bottling it up isn't any good. Maybe, dealing with emotions in a positive way helps (Don't ask me how to do that tough!).

[sgg]

I fined ot beter to be cold life is just simpler can't get hurt by people, no expectations no disappointments words to live by, and rely who wants to see a hyperactive person all day it just gets kind of tiering i would hate to have to be with someone like that. just my opinion but i am one cold hearted son of a bitch.