To Love, or Not to Love, that is the Question.

[Emilia1320]

Actually I don't eat sweets and fast food only if I absolutely need to (like when traveling and everything else but McDonalds is closed) and even then I order a salad. Hot showers are my secret sin thou.You are right thou that its sort of hard to define rational. Maybe it would be more correct to say that love makes me do stupid things. Even dating successfully counts as stupid thing as time invested in relationship is less time for studies. Like the one, only and last time I dared to confess I loved someone and he turned me down I sorta cried many days. Logical thing would have been to stop loving the guy. I coudlnt because of this annoying emotion known as love. I gave too much in to it, I should have denied the feelings altogether immediately they appeared. This is what I always do now because I'm a little bit wiser than before. If I dated someone I would also have less time for studying and just relaxing on my own, and it's not like I have too much time for them even without boyfriend. It won't change in the future since I will (hopefully) have a job to concentrate on. I don't want any distractions like dating. Hopefully this even a bit clarifies what I mean by "love making me stupid"EDIT: Biologically speaking, we are evolved to love others because cooperating was necessary to survive. However I think platonic affection is more than enough for me. What comes to reproducing, evolution just isn't quite fast enough to catch the fact human species is overpopulated.

Sounds like you have some "trauma" and I use that word very lightly, from your previous experiences form having an crush on someone. However isn't it a bit of an over reaction to shut it out only after one attempt?

Saying that love makes you do stupid things is just moving the goal post from defining rational. Even if falling in love is stupid then it's ok to do stupid things sometimes. Just think about the positives, you were able to confess, that takes courage in itself, also you learned from your experiences. To me there is more to life than studying. If all you want from life is to study to get a good grade and then a job, well to me that would seem a bit empty and a waste of my time on the planet.

I see don't see the point in alienating yourself from others just because not everything has gone according to what you would have wanted before. If you feel like the people in your class aren't the type of people you like to hang out with try to get to know them better or then just find others.

You still have some of your summer holiday left so call your friends and go to the beach, take your maths books with you and have fun!

Why deny yourself enjoyment and pleasure?

You admitted that you have some guilty pleasures, why draw the line at love?

It goes back to the question of what you want form life and even if love is nowhere in there, what would be the point of shutting it out. It sounds like you are afraid of love.

P.s.

The point with biology is to do with the fact that love feels good, so it goes with the idea of why refrain from pleasure. Also it can be considered as natural, but that begs the question: why is natural good? But if you see loves just as a necessity for co-operation, then we still need co-operation, but this way of thinking is a bit primal.

P.s.s.

Don't take this as an personal attack, this is just for the sake of debate.

Nono, I won't take it as personal attack, if I love (pun intended) something its math, physics and a good debate! All opinions on this thread have been interesting to read.

Yes, I have "trauma". No, why should I repeat pattern which had bad outcome last time? Just try my luck again? Statistically speaking a rather successful love affair among treenagers is still likely to end before long, which means broken heart, and even if it didnt I actually don't even want to find a man to get married with, an adult me is going to have so much more to do than to cuddle on sofa. I don't have time or patience to share my life with someone, replan my timetables to fit those of my husbands and stuff. I know for some people love is all in all, but I'm me, and most likely not gonna change.

I unfortunately have no close friends, (besides one living very far away) and weather is cold and rainy so I cannot go on beach. Otherwise not a bad idea.

I have guilty pleasures, but a hot shower isnt gonna break my heart or take more than 5 minutes per day, and is also necessary to maintain hygienic condition. While a relationship takes surprising amounts of time and could end badly.

To deny short-term enjoyment and pleasure is to protect me from later disappointments. Learning is so much more reliable way to find enjoyment.

Living like a robotwoman is kind of impossible because life with no relaxment would burn almost anyone out before long. However I found love to be a stressor, it was just enhancing my mental crumble, so I had to put it into end. I simply systematically denied the feelings before they got to point I would get sad.

Ps. If someone knows how to turn that picture PM me

Edited August 2, 2015 by Emilia1320

[Gerda Grase]

I honestly feel like the topic of love shouldn't be viewed just as romantic affection. I mean, I love my friends, but it is not the same way I'd view my family. 

However, those people I call my friends can easily break me. They know a lot about me as a person, all my fears, my past and possible plans for future. They have all the chances to ruin it. Same, of course, goes for your "significant other" only on a more intimate level. 

 

I'd say loving someone is worth it although it does come with a risk of being hurt later. It gives you the chance to experience close relationship with another person. And, even if you do get hurt, you will definitely save some great memories from the time you were with that person. 

Also, some experience never hurts. Just gain some understanding about the human nature and how to act with other people. 

[Emilia1320]

I just want to throw some things out there.

 

Firstly, a big thanks to all those that took their time to reply and add something meaningful to the post. It was originally meant to be a sort of discussion, but that might have changed a little.   It's still cool because some interesting viewpoints are being brought to light in the newly-turned debate. 

 

Second, the views I was supporting in my posts aren't actually mine to start with. I wanted to hear both sides of the argument on the topic of voluntarily not choosing to love because I have a friend who fits well with the mindset I was representing. And I really just wanted to prepare myself for a long, intense discussion with him on the topic, so I'd thought it'd help if I could hear other's opinions and experiences to improve my own arsenal of arguments and counter-arguments.

 

So, I hope you don't mind if I incorporate elements of your arguments in a very local setting. I'll try to minimize the plagiarism as much as possible. 

 

That is all.

 

Cheers!

 

Sorry this was in the debate section so I though I would have some fun and have a debateish thing. 

Like you, the side I chose to represent is by coin flip, since it's fun when you can't choose your side and it's good exerciser to explore both sides.

 

My honest opinion about love would be that it does't have any deeper meaning in my life, it comes and it goes. It doesn't really matter whether you ride the roller coaster or walk along the ground. Time moves forwards and as long as you do also everything is fine.I like enjoyment, but love isn't necessary for that. Meaning can be found in all sorts of ways and even having meaning isn't necessary for life. It all depends on your own wants and needs. In debate there nether side is the truth, but both have elements of it.

 

But whats the fun in debating if you compromise and choose a middle ground when arguing? 

 

 

Nono, I won't take it as personal attack, if I love (pun intended) something its math, physics and a good debate! All opinions on this thread have been interesting to read.

Yes, I have "trauma". No, why should I repeat pattern which had bad outcome last time? Just try my luck again? Statistically speaking a rather successful love affair among treenagers is still likely to end before long, which means broken heart, and even if it didnt I actually don't even want to find a man to get married with, an adult me is going to have so much more to do than to cuddle on sofa. I don't have time or patience to share my life with someone, replan my timetables to fit those of my husbands and stuff. I know for some people love is all in all, but I'm me, and most likely not gonna change.

I unfortunately have no close friends, (besides one living very far away) and weather is cold and rainy so I cannot go on beach. Otherwise not a bad idea.

I have guilty pleasures, but a hot shower isnt gonna break my heart or take more than 5 minutes per day, and is also necessary to maintain hygienic condition. While a relationship takes surprising amounts of time and could end badly.

To deny short-term enjoyment and pleasure is to protect me from later disappointments. Learning is so much more reliable way to find enjoyment.

Living like a robotwoman is kind of impossible because life with no relaxment would burn almost anyone out before long. However I found love to be a stressor, it was just enhancing my mental crumble, so I had to put it into end. I simply systematically denied the feelings before they got to point I would get sad.

Ps. If someone knows how to turn that picture PM me

 

 

There is a reason why through out history love has been portrayed in literature as beautiful, it truly is. All the millions of love songs, whether they are about heart break or new found love, resonate with people for this reason. Sure love can hurt, but it can also heal. 

 

And yes as teenagers, our relationships don't often last that long, but why not enjoy them while they last and then like you are doing now, turn off the emotion switch when they end? When you get knocked down get back up, it's rare that something will go exactly as planned or succeed the first time. In the future if you become a scientist you shouldn't give up if your first experiment fails, it doesn't mean there is nothing worth while there.

 

Sorry to hear about your friend situation, usually IB classes are very close, but every stranger is a potential friend. You just need to go out there and make them one. As for scheduling your timetable around your husbands, that isn't always necessary and no matter how much work you have, you'll still have free time (trust me nobody can work 24/7). 

 

The point about having pleasures in life, is just to show that there things you do just for enjoyment. The hot shower example may be only a small pleasure, but there is a reason you have it hot, cold showers just aren't the same, eve though in hygiene terms they are just as good and in terms of health they are better than hot ones. What makes love different from other pleasures you enjoy?

 

Love can also teach you a lot about humanity, develop a deeper understanding of people. So for someone who truly seeks knowledge, shutting out paths of learning is counter intuitive. So again I say if you truly are open minded don't close of your mind to love, all that will do is deny you experiences you could enjoy and live a more rich and fulfilling life.

 

P.s.

If you enjoy debating I recommend you join/form a debate club (if not at school then join a university club), even if you don't enjoy interacting with other people, debate is always fun. Also in January there will be the national competitions so I urge you to ask your school to send a team there this year.

 

P.s.s. What is that picture?

There is simple reason I personally cannot do like you pictured above: I have that kind of flaw as a person that I become very affectionate very fast. For me love is like a demon (i'm atheist but you get the point), if you give it a finger it will consume whole body. It's much easier to deny feelings when they aren't huge. I am not in full control of my feelings (which is rather unfortunate). Relationship would produce as much sadness as joy to me.

I'm very patient with things I am passionate about so I wouldn't give up with my work. Thing is, in science there most likely will be reason why experiment failed (and maybe finding this reason will lead to something interesting). I woudl either succeed or learn and succeed next time.

In love then, the boy might just fall for another without any clear reason, and I'm left with questions and self-hate. Am I too ugly? I'm finally starting to accept myself, and I like the feeling.

I already made the point that hot shower or a tasty apple won't besides pleasure make me sad. Love will, that's the difference.

About learning. Fair point. However, humanity isn't really what interests me, universe is. But still fair point.

Ps, I had a picture that was wrong way as my profile pic. I failed to turn it right way so I put there integral instead ^^

[mac117]

My entire life I chose not to love. I might be young and "wild" as the older generations would say, but I prefer to keep my heart safe. See, it's not that I'm asexual, or not because there aren't boys who I would like to hang out with - it's the fear of lost hope and rationality.

Once you give your heart to someone, they have total control over you and can easily manipulate me. From my experience, the one time I gave my heart to someone I got hate and disbelief in return. My heart got crushed and smashed against the wall by him, and it would be quite accurate to say that I'm indeed afraid to love. I choose not to love anyone, at least for now, for there is only one thing everyone should love.

And that is yourself. If you don't love yourself, if your heart isn't strong enough to have positive feeling towards itself, there is no point in loving someone else. If you do however, and get lucky, they will try to fix it and make you love them and yourself. You'll get stronger, yet your heart will still be fragile. Love is a set of chemical reactions in your brain, and is basically biology's way to make sure we won't go extinct and reproduce. That's the terrible truth.

Asexuals are not broken. Gays, lesbians, trans - no one can be broken in this aspect. You may argue that they "choose" to love (or not love), but why would you say they're broken? I think that as long as someone is happy with their life, there is no point in pushing them towards something they don't want. Live your life, make mistakes, and get stronger after every fall. For this is how we learn to walk.

tl;dl : I choose to keep my heart closed and stay safe, as well as rational (as in "not making negative decision that could have been different if I weren't in love"). Everyone should do what they feel is going to be good for them, and no one should tell them what is right or wrong.

Edited August 2, 2015 by mac117

[Excalibre]

I honestly feel like the topic of love shouldn't be viewed just as romantic affection. I mean, I love my friends, but it is not the same way I'd view my family. 

However, those people I call my friends can easily break me. They know a lot about me as a person, all my fears, my past and possible plans for future. They have all the chances to ruin it. Same, of course, goes for your "significant other" only on a more intimate level. 

 

I'd say loving someone is worth it although it does come with a risk of being hurt later. It gives you the chance to experience close relationship with another person. And, even if you do get hurt, you will definitely save some great memories from the time you were with that person. 

Also, some experience never hurts. Just gain some understanding about the human nature and how to act with other people. 

 

Of course, none of us would group the all encompassing concept of love to include every type of relationship. That would be absurd! And that is why I have tried to be specific in my initial post, where I have used the quote that very much relates to love as an emotion of desire and added a little addition specifying the definition that I would like to focus on in this debate/discussion. 

 

The rest of what you say is all well and good, except that the point isn't the fragility of love or the fallout which is inevitable in over 3/4th's of loving experiences. The point you make about experiences and memories, there are countless of other ways to experience events that are both memorable and teach you life lessons. However, the crux of the matter isn't availability of alternatives, it's the idea that love is non-essential for living a 'good' and worthy life.