TOK essay introduction help (may 2016)

[loba]

hello all,

i started working on my TOK essay, since my teacher wants a first draft in 10 days (october 15).

now i wrote an introduction, but i want some one to proof read it and tell me what needs improvement in it, since my TOK teacher refused to do that and hes not that good or that reliable anyways (hes new)

 

im doing the first prescribed topic.

“In gaining knowledge, each area of knowledge uses a network of ways of knowing.†Discuss this statement with reference to two areas of knowledge.“In gaining knowledge, each area of knowledge uses a network of ways of knowing.†Discuss this statement with reference to two areas of knowledge.

 

my areas of knowledge are art and history, and my ways of knowing are emotion and sense perception 

 

if any one can help, please direct message me on here.

 

thanks

[kw0573]

Well, the teacher is only allowed one reading of the draft with written feedbacks. You definitely do not want the chance all used up on the intro alone! If you are not comfortable publishing your intro online, then you should probably find a friend to proofread it. And plus there's no effective way to judge an intro without reading the main body paragraphs so take it to someone you trust.

A side note, this is a topic that is VERY EASY to talk around the point and digress instead of on the point. Good luck!