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Keel, on Aug 15, 2011 - 13:53, said:
Matthew Sinclair, on Aug 15, 2011 - 11:33, said:
Also, why must it be seen from your medical perspective as a "disease" rather than an example of "genetic variation in the population" or something else? It needs to meet certain medical criteria to be classified as a disease and evidently it does not.
Yet I must agree with you that I think it is better to approach it from a medical rather than political viewpoint. However, unfortunately it's the politics surrounding the subject that need addressing/change still. Medically, I think it's (in the western world), well agreed upon to not be a disease/a problem.
On a side note, if anyone reading this has any personal questions/needs help or advice regarding this subject, feel free to message me and I'll try to reply asap
Yet I must agree with you that I think it is better to approach it from a medical rather than political viewpoint. However, unfortunately it's the politics surrounding the subject that need addressing/change still. Medically, I think it's (in the western world), well agreed upon to not be a disease/a problem.
On a side note, if anyone reading this has any personal questions/needs help or advice regarding this subject, feel free to message me and I'll try to reply asap
I wish to clarify a few points. Firstly, I said 'disorder' not 'disease'. In my opinion, there is a very fine line between the two. A 'disorder' is used mainly to describe intrinsic abnormalities; malfunctions which occur naturally due to genetics or one-off external experiences which causes the malfunction. A 'disease' is used to describe extrinsic causes which impair bodily functions. As such you can 'catch' a disease but you can't 'catch' a disorder. You have skewed what I was trying to say by portraying me as describing homosexuality as a 'disease which will infect everyone'. No.
Secondly, it is not 'my perspective'. It is the perspective I think any person who has a critical mind should take. You seem to think that there is zero possibility that it is a disorder. I don't think that is the right approach. You stated before that you would not accept treatment if, hypothetically, homosexuality was indeed a disorder, but you didn't say why you would refuse treatment in such a scenario. To ignore the possibility would be wrong. Another poster stated that they wouldn't support any research on such a 'disorder'. I think this is absurd. I would have thought that all homosexuals, bisexuals and heterosexuals would want a medical explanation at least on the issue of sexuality. Never mind whether you can medically change your sexuality or whether it is a 'disorder'. If no research should be done on the topic, there is no reason to discuss it here; it would be a complete waste of OUR time, not some random researcher's.
Matthew, I accept your offer of help and advice. Up to now it may seem like I'm homophobic, re-read my post(s); it is critical, but with purpose. I am myself slightly confused about my sexuality which is why I find this topic important, especially with regards to childhood experience and parental upbringing. My mother brought me up on her own; I have played very little sports as a child thus being with other guys wasn't a common experience. So here's the question: how do you whether you are 'attracted to males' or simply 'curious' about them due to lack of experience? Does this question define whether one is straight or bisexual? Your comments are appreciated.
All I said was that I think the possibility that it is a "disorder" has been heavily researched and questioned, and I think it's safe to say it's not.
The reason why I wouldn't accept treatment? Because I am completely happy with who I am. I am very happy with my life and where I'm going. I am in a loving, monogamous, long-term relationship. I have family and friends that love me. etc. etc. As a result of these and many more, I have no reason to change. I wouldn't want to jeopardize what I already have, which for me is something very special.
I believe that my sexuality (and I think all sexuality, but I should only really speak for my own experience), is genetic/biological. I don't think it has anything to do with my upbringing/environment. And I would say it runs in the family as I also have a gay brother (and another one who is straight). I have many gay/bi cousins and relatives....one of whom is 88, a war veteran from Africa, and a millionaire! haha.
For me, and I think for many people, experience (like actually doing something physical with someone else) isn't necessary. For me, I knew from what I was attracted to when looking at porn on the internet. I looked at all sorts of things (all I mean is like guys and girls ahaha). From that I developed a personal understanding of my own sexuality. I did find it hard to come to terms with it, but that was because I didn't have anyone to talk to. Fortunately there are MANY, MANY internet sites and forums with lots of great, supportive information on it that can help a lot. Also friends, too. Ever since I came out, I've had a few other friends tell me that they're actually gay, or bi, or questioning, or what ever. It was great to be able to talk to them about it all. A very important thing is to not blame yourself or others. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just a natural part of life
There's no rush in needing to know your sexuality. It's a gradual process. I think the most important thing is the support of others. You need to understand that some people might not react well, but that shouldn't deter you. Yet who knows
Not a single one of my friends reacted badly. Quite the contrary I'd say. When I put up my change of relationship status to be with my boyfriend, I had about 40 something likes and heaps of positive comments. More than when I posted I got an IB 43 ahaha. My parents were not as good, but they were trying to come to terms with having 2 out of 3 gay sons. It didn't take long for them to come to terms with it though, and now things are great. So to answer your question, yes I think you can know without actual experience. For me the actual experience confirmed completely what I already knew. But just because you have some feelings for members of the same sex doesn't mean your gay, or even bi. That's for you to decide. A lot of people (most probably wouldn't admit it) have similar feelings, especially in high school/college. It's just a part of growing up.
Just remember this. The most important thing in your life should be being happy and finding love.
Sorry this was all over the place haha. It's getting a bit late here (11pm wow. Clearly no longer an IB student).
I'll try and add more to this later if I think of things.
You're under no pressure. There's no time constraints. There are no tests related to this (my best attempt at an IB analogy). Just take it easy and enjoy yourself. (and be safe).
edit.
but on a side note, I think it's better to come to an understanding of your sexuality as soon as you can (without rushing!). I'm just saying that it's not preferable to end up getting married and having kids and then coming to accept it etc. (but that doesn't mean you can't get married and have kids!! Just preferably with the person you're actually going to stay with your whole life! I hope to marry my boyfriend and perhaps have a family one day. who knows
)For me I fully came to accept that I am gay during my IB exams because I was writing a valedictorian/school captain speech and was talking about the different measures of personal success and part of that was the notion that success should be derived from being true to one's self. You need to be true to who you are and accept and embrace that and try to be the best person you can be. And ever since I accepted that and came out and started exploring my true sexuality...I really started to love life and things really changed for the better
I feel so much more clarity and direction. Also for the record, I did date girls many times before...and it sucked haha. One of the girls I dated (for 4 months about 3 years ago) is now one of my closest friends. We became so much closer after telling her I'm gay. She was so supportive and understanding and we talk about everything now haha.
