Tilia Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 (edited) Physics teacher:"This model explains everything that is derived from it""Now, we'll calculate how much Ida is attracted to be. Due to physics, of course."Swedish teacher:"Those of you that aren't raising your hands, don't you have any clue about where Russia is?""If I were to live in ancient Greece, I would have wanted to be a prostituted.""No, it's not your fault that my brain is limited""I'm speaking rubbish, so throw me out of the window""Don't write anything, and write (if you're writing) with a pencil, because you'll have to erase this"ToK teacher:"This is the first time I've got an essay from a ghoul.""I really should have stood on the table, but every time I do that, the headmaster enters the room."History teacher:"If they have an IB-kid and a normal kid...""When I first came to Sweden, I was seriously looking for a Mexican family to adopt me"English teacher: From my years as a teacher, I know that when it is Monday afternoon after a break and the sun is shining, you're bound to have an unruly class. This, however, is the IB, so the rule shouldn't apply to you...Student: Of course it does, we're also human. Edited March 17, 2009 by Tilia Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinuxBeta Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 Math/Physics teacher: *after doing a question wrong on the board* Ah, just checking *after doing a question on the board* Is this so? I don't think so!!! Fooled you *after making a mistake* Ah, psh, it's just a number. TOK presentation: "in the end, none of this matters because we're all going to die"An IB Physics student: "The car constantly accelerates at a rate of 2 m/s, right?""OMG, this light bulb is 1 million watts!!!" Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeBlake Posted April 24, 2009 Report Share Posted April 24, 2009 So May exams are approaching...my friends and are should definitely be studying lol, but instead, we went around facebook...and did this1. Writing a TOK essay is like being constipated. It hurts like hell and you produce crap very slowly.2. Teacher: Ok Students, now write your name on this notecard.Student 1: OKStudent 2: This is easy!IB Teacher to IB students: Now,write your name on this notecard.IB Student 1: How big?IB Student 2: Which corner?IB Student 3: Cursive or print?IB Student 4: Do we need to put our whole middle name or just our middle initial?IB Student 5: What if we don't have a middle name?IB Student 6: Is pencil okay?IB Student 7: Do you want it on the side with lines or the blank side?3. Procrastination is like masturbation.It's a lot of fun until you realize you've just ****ed yourself.4. Coordinator: Hey Guys! There's a Blood Donation session tomorrow, I hope you can make it!Student: Do we get CAS hours??5. Teacher is explaining differentiation to the classSL Maths Student: Are we ever going to use this in real life?Teacher: Of course.SL Maths Student: When?Teacher: In the exam.6. I used to have a life. Then I started cheating on it with IB, and me and life got a divorce.7. ToK in a Nutshell:The Question: How do we know?The Answer:We don't.8. If you think you're doing the IB, you're wrong. The IB's doing you.9. Patricia: Do you think they'll have alcohol at the IB Christmas Party?Genie: ...IB kids drinking? Can you imagine us drunk? We would be like... "HAHA YOUR FACE IS A PARABOLA."10. "IB is like an abusive husband, you know you should leave but you can't because you have a life together even if that life occasionally beats you, calls you names, and makes you feel like killing yourself."- Jordan S.11. Honors Student: So, what did you do for your birthday?IB Student: A chemistry formal lab write-up.Honors Student: Well, did you do anything fun?IB Student: Yes, I managed to get to bed before midnight. It was wonderful.12. "You shall not pass"-Gandalf on IB13. Student: So I was wondering... Why aren't we allowed to take five HL classes?IB Coordinator: Because it looks bad for the IB program when students commit suicide.14. History teacher: "By the end of IB, you're going to know Stalin better than your own grandfather!"15. IB English student: *Looking at a coke bottle* It's amazing what paradoxes exist in this soft drink container. It appears phallic in shape, thereby appealing to a consumer's primal desire for unmasked masculinity, yet its function as a receptacle allows us to construe it as a uterine symbol, belying our innate fascination with the feminine form.Non IB English student: Dude, I just buy it 'cos of the hot chicks in those TV ads.16. Rising IB junior: So, can you give me any advice about IB English?IB Senior: When in doubt, the answer is 'sexual repression'.17. Chemistry Teacher: You guys will start the group 4 project next week. You will learn how to socialize with others and have fun.18. Non-IB student: Get a life...IB stident: Are you implying I have the time?19. Teacher: [Noticing that half the class isn't there] What's due tomorrow?Class, in unison: Geography Field Study!Teacher: Oh. 'Kay. [continues with lesson]20. Standard teacher walks into IB Classroom to talk to IB teacher.Standard teacher: Man, these kids look tired.IB Teacher: Seeing a well-rested IB student is like seeing a unicorn.21. Chem Teacher: Did you guys hear about the bear that fell in the water and dissolved?Class: No...Chem Teacher: They say he was polar!22. IB student: I got screeweedd last night*Non-IB student joins conversation*Non-IB student: Niiiceee, by who?*silence among the Ibers*IB student: Who? ahahahahahhahahaASDJKLAJ!23. I'm so hot my enzymes denaturate.24. IB taught me that every time I learn something new I forget something else.they're all soo funny, and they all apply...lol, especially Number 1 and 15 Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
moneyfaery Posted April 24, 2009 Report Share Posted April 24, 2009 I've heard some of those before. J'avais déjà entendu quelques-uns de ceux??? Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maurice Ravel Posted April 29, 2009 Report Share Posted April 29, 2009 It's Men-UH-ge AH twAH.My dear friend Brian: Writing a TOK essay is like being constipated - it hurts like hell and you produce c rap very, very slowlyIt's now world-famous on http://www.ibquotes.com/top(o_O why is the c--- word censored?! We're in IB, everything we write is c rap)The only funny quote. The rest are so gay and unfunny...no wonder this is an IB forum. Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mahuta ♥ Posted April 29, 2009 Report Share Posted April 29, 2009 Why are you being so attacky?!?! Please stop it. Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandwich Posted April 29, 2009 Report Share Posted April 29, 2009 Ahahaha. I love TeeBlake's ones. Differentiation in the exam, ahahahaha. God these jokes are so sad and yet so true D8 Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 0LizzyBennet0 Posted May 19, 2009 Report Share Posted May 19, 2009 *we're doing f(g(x))and g(f(x)) in maths*Friend: Is that fog?Me: *looks outside*...no...it's sunny. 1 Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shannon Posted September 28, 2009 Report Share Posted September 28, 2009 Not really a quote as much as a funny moment...Last year in Pre-IB chem, my friend (who is a SUPER-GENIUS at chemistry) was scared to touch "sodium chloride". I think he confused it with hydrochloric acid or something, hahaha. Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Austin Glau Posted June 6, 2010 Report Share Posted June 6, 2010 In Soviet Russia, IB survives you. Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schrödinger's Cat Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 ENGLISH:English teacher: NO MORE HILARITY!English teacher: IB and irresponsibility should be an OXYMORON.CHEMISTRY:-doing Acids and Bases experiment-Chemistry teacher: CONCENTRATE!Me: No - DILUTE!PHYSICS:Physics teacher: So which particle exerts the most force, the one on the inside, or the one on the outside?Friend: The one on the inside.Physics teacher: Does Newton's Third Law state that...Friend: NO! NO NO!Physics teacher: NO!Physics teacher: I like the smell of graphite in the morning.PSYCHOLOGY:*movie music plays*Psychology teacher: -performs interpretive dance----There are a lot more I don't remember... all my teachers are so funny. 1 Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandwich Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 From those two days where everybody suddenly realises CAS has to be handed in and nobody except for THAT one person... DAMN THEM!!!1 has written anything down all year...IB kid 1: *walks into the room*IB kid 2: Come over here, you're my yoga teacher.IB kid 3: And you taught me swimming!!IB kid 2: Wait... I thought I taught you swimming?IB kid 3: Oh yeah. Well then you're my violin teacher, sign here.Obese IB kid 1: What activity matches this reflection? I can't erase it.IB kid 2: What's your reflection?Obese IB kid 1: I've written that I enjoy extreme sports.IB kid 2: How about snowboarding?Obese IB kid 1: .....England....IB kid 2: Oh, yeah... Golf?IB kid: I'm really stuck writing reflections. How can I say that playing the cello helped the community?CAS coordinator: Did you play in any concerts?IB kid: No, I'm terrible.CAS coordinator: Well then, just write that you inspired other people to learn from your mistakes... Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
azulverde:) Posted August 18, 2010 Report Share Posted August 18, 2010 my friend : I will strangle you if you tell herme: Oh yea well i know CPR I can do it on myselfhaha Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
saunders is god Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 "I don't need sex.... Ib F*cks me every day!" hahaha! thats ****ing hilarious Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Posted January 13, 2011 Report Share Posted January 13, 2011 I was reading a funny list of quotes by IB students and thought I'd share a couple and see if you guys know any!Add on to the list the quotes I found funny, but very true :1. You know your in IB when you procrastinate by doing "less important" homework.2. You know you're in IB when speaking with a non-I.B. kid, you must define nearly every word you use.Any more? 1 Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imma Be Posted January 13, 2011 Report Share Posted January 13, 2011 You know you're in I.B. when you have a snow day or a break and are like YAAA!!! I can finish my homework and study! 1 Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILM Posted January 13, 2011 Report Share Posted January 13, 2011 I like this:Q: How many IB students does it take to change a light bulb?A: 30. One to change the bulb, and twenty-nine to reflect on the process.There is a full website about ibquotes. www.ibquotes.com 1 Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Posted January 13, 2011 Report Share Posted January 13, 2011 Hahaha... good ones. I love this one:IB Student 1: Did you understand a word of that math lecture?IB Student 2: No, I was finishing the physics homework instead.IB Student 3: Oh my god, do you understand the physics unit?!IB Student 2: No, I was doing my math homework during the lecture. Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILM Posted January 14, 2011 Report Share Posted January 14, 2011 hahaHere is a nice one, it says the truth:This is IB, you may pick 2 of the following:1. Good Grades2. Enough Sleep3. A Social Life Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grumps Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 you know you're in ib when you're working five times as hard as kids in normal classes for minimum addition benefit. wait, that's not funny at all. 2 Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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