The College Theme Paper: When Two Genders Collide!

[Flamewave]

Hehe, I found this to be rather humorous. If anyone has a problem with the language, just let me know and I'll try to censor it a bit. Enjoy!

THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's

a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

"Today we will experiment with a new form of composition called the tandem

story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person

sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the

first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first

paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person

will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.

Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the

story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish

to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a

conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:

Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.

-------------------------------------------------------------

STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The

camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now

reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he

liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off

Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too

much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the

question.

------------------------------------------------------

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now

in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the

neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had

spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he

said into his transgalactic communicator "Polar orbit established. No sign

of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle

beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo

bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and

across the cockpit.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one

last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever

had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless

hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law

Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper

one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared

out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed

unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to

distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things

around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she

pondered wistfully.

---------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands

of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of

its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the

Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left

Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were

determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage

of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying

enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them,

they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile

entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile

submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the

inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and

85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the

conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!

Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My

writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at

writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have camomile

tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm an air

headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

*******.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Bitch.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

****er.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

****.

---------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

Get f****d.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Eat s**t.

--------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - *****.

*************************************************************

(Teacher) A+ - I really liked this one.

Found in http://seikku.iki.fi/seikku/EnglishPaper.html

[Ivan91]

wow did this really happen ??

[Flamewave]

wow did this really happen ??

Honestly, I have no clue. I'd seen it on a few sites before, so I just posted it from the first site I found.

[Tyro]

That's hilarious. It's possibly the best essay I've read in a long time. I love the contrast between the peaceful tea introduction and the total destruction at the end. I guess it does just about sum up the differences between men (violent and egotistic) and women (peaceful and easy to annoy). -No offense intended to either sex by this generalization.

[Guest dragonb111]

that was the greatest essay that has ever been written.

[missrunway]

LOL

this is sooo funny, OMG the teacher iked this one best...i can see why

[Chelleee]

ahahaha.

being able to see their facial expressions would have been an added bonus, but thats already some pretty epic stuff

p.s - i side with the guy "rebecca's" way to airy-fairy

[sweetnsimple786]

Bahaha

What I absolutely love is that it starts with tea and ends with tea. Talk about a conclusion!

[Shorty]

I lol'd...so unexpected.

[FutureIB]

We did tandem writing in English B Class, it was amazing, we did it a little differently, about 8-9 student contributed to one story because we kept on passing papers. I was the one who kept on adding these imaginary characters, like I turned a story about a travel into an airplane crash on a deserted island where there was a talking octopus and then the students after me added Dumbo and pokemon characters. We wrote like a lot during that class, And you can really tell who wrote what.

Tandem writing is awesome

[Austin Glau]

There should be an IB act on this lol classic

[azulverde:)]

There should be an IB act on this lol classic

i agree with you

[Summer Glau]

this is really funny. I like Gary's side of the story better. If the whole thing was written by Rebecca, I would have been bored to tears.

[Grumps]

I'd like "When Two Genders Collide" written from a Kinetics standpoint.

[frogger]

That sounds almost identical to a book I read ages ago... Joel and Cat Set the Story Straight - Nick Earls & Rebecca Sparrow.

Minus the cussing at the end... it really was a sweet book