Would you ever compromise yourself and your morals for people around you?

[Mahuta ♥]

"When you start compromising yourself or your morals for the people around you, it's probably time to change the people around you."

Do you think you should not change anything about your personality for the people around you?

It sounded true to me, but then I thought..what's wrong with compromising yourself a little bit for the people around you? Perhaps your personality doesn't allow you to fit in any group in which case you have to compromise, especially if your personality has a lot of faults, which applies to morals too. This goes for relationships and jobs as well. People say very different things about compromising and they all sound more or less right, Here are some examples of negative quotes about compromising:

• “The 'morality of compromise' sounds contradictory. Compromise is usually a sign of weakness, or an admission of defeat. Strong men don't compromise, it is said, and principles should never be compromised."
  

• “From the beginning of our history the country has been afflicted with compromise. It is by compromise that human rights have been abandoned.”
  

• "Don't compromise even if it hurts to be yourself."
  

• "If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.
  

In my opinion, the first quote is true. If you have principles, nothing should push you to change them no matter what the consequences are. Then again, compromising is not really a sign of weakness, sometimes it's a sign of stubbornness, especially if they don't admit that their principles could be more correct. he quote in bold: Same question, would you agree with that? If people keep compromising themselves for people around them, it might lead (or have led) to them not insisting on their rights because...of the "We should compromise what we both want" mentality.

The last quote would apply perfectly for friendship and relationships. If you were in a situation where you know you have the type of personality that doesn't really allow you to get along with someone you want to be friends or more than friends with, would you compromise yourself to be accepted? For example, some people wouldn't stop being selfish because they believe it's their right and there is no reason for them to give it up. Same goes if someone is the kind who is easily offended. I don't know about you guys, but with my friends we used to make jokes about each others (some were offending/embarrassing/ unkind) and not really get offended (except me). Do you think you're kind the person who would pretend to be very cool with a joke that hurt his/her feelings just because no one else usually gets offended and you want to fit in?

Maybe I didn't put a lot of effort in looking for quotes, but I cannot find positive quotes about compromising! The only ones I found were about marriage and they were just neutral. Also, I just realized that this post is probably not organized enough to give a clear idea about what I am trying to say. So let me just try and summarize this whole thing to simple questions:

1. Which of the quotes above do you think raises the least issues? I.e which one is closest to true.

2. Do you believe that compromise is something necessary in our societies?

3. If you believe it is, do you think compromise could be suitable for all situations in life or are there things that should never be compromised? (regardless of degree for now)

4. If you believe it's unnecessary or even detrimental, why so? Is it because of the reasons mentioned in the quotes?

5. From you experience, can compromise bring more negative results than you expected?

6. If you are the compromising type of person, have you ever hidden your hurt feelings, anger, frustration..etc just for the sake of compromising? Even though you realize what the other did was wrong? (Don't be surprised..a lot of people do that).

7. If you are not the compromising type of person, do you find any difficulties at all getting along with people around you?

[Avan:)]

No. Just no.

[Award Winning Boss]

Firstly your post makes sense and you make good topics I'd like to mention

It depends on what you're compromising.

If you're not fitting in because you're just annoying and there's a reason why that is so. Like you think that everyone owes something to you don't stop thinking that you're greater than everyone just because you use bigger words then I think you deserve to be put to the side socially. There's a reason why people are thought of as fools, it's because they are and want to be ignorant towards it.

However, I don't think that you should give up your individual self for anyone because when you stop standing up for yourself what would you ever stand up for in the future? I don't think you'd stand up for anything. So thinks like bowing to peer pressure just because is pretty stupid. If we all became like a part of a collective thing then society would be boring and bland. There'd be little point in having a 'self' if you'll just copy or fall to the wants of others.

So hopefully that made sense. There are something things that shouldn't just be compromised for the sake of it but if you're being shunned by everyone then you're doing something wrong. Even if it's just not being so loud

No. Just no.

Please elaborate

[Mahuta ♥]

Firstly your post makes sense and you make good topics I'd like to mention

Thank you. That's nice of you to say.

It depends on what you're compromising.

If you're not fitting in because you're just annoying and there's a reason why that is so. Like you think that everyone owes something to you don't stop thinking that you're greater than everyone just because you use bigger words then I think you deserve to be put to the side socially. There's a reason why people are thought of as fools, it's because they are and want to be ignorant towards it.

However, I don't think that you should give up your individual self for anyone because when you stop standing up for yourself what would you ever stand up for in the future? I don't think you'd stand up for anything.

True, which reminded me of this quote: "

Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."

So thinks like bowing to peer pressure just because is pretty stupid. If we all became like a part of a collective thing then society would be boring and bland. There'd be little point in having a 'self' if you'll just copy or fall to the wants of others.

See what you said there is an explanation as to why this quote is true: "It is by compromise that human rights have been abandoned.".

So you are saying you don't hide your feelings towards an action/joke made or done by your friends because..it's just not right? What if complaining about every joke they make will push them further and further away from you because you are now the person who takes all jokes seriously? I am not saying you're like that, but this is a hypothetical situation where your friends make offensive jokes and you take them seriously. You can use a bigger yet similar example to more serious situations.

[Sandwich]

I wouldn't be willing to compromise on my morals in a situation, but to be honest a lot of the scenarios you find are not (for me) moral scenarios.

Certainly there's a lot of need for compromise in human relationships and all that 'you must never compromise yourself' crap is, in my opinion, feel-good stuff for people who feel they need to justify their differences because the differences force them apart from the group and make them feel unhappy. Honestly, if it made me happier to compromise a few things about how I behaved or what I talked about/laughed at than to stay apart and be 'true to myself', I think it's daft to not make the compromise. Groups and group behaviour are all about compromise. However, that's for social scenarios like not having the right type of personality or something. I mean ideally I wouldn't hang out with people I didn't get along with, but if I had no choice then I think I'd try to blend in with the group - the alternative is to be unhappy and undermine the whole group ethos. Everybody compromises somewhat in settings like that.

However if somehow those scenarios strayed across a moral value that I had, I would feel compelled either to disagree or distance myself from it. I just find it highly unlikely. I guess if somebody made a racist joke or something that was in my opinion distasteful, I would say something - or at least I wouldn't be able to go along with it without losing my own self-respect. If nothing else I'd feel I was letting my friends down. But on the whole topics which offend my moral values are few and far between and rarely come up in conversation, nor am I easily offended. In my opinion, if the subject of a joke is happy to laugh about it and doesn't take it seriously, then offensive jokes amongst friends are actually bonding more than anything else. When you're comfortable enough with other people to take their insults and know they don't mean them, or that they're just being honest but never mean you any harm by it, then you know you've got a great group of mates Making fun of people is like a way to show you're good friends. Possibly it's got a bit of a cultural element to it, but that's how pretty much all the British tend to see it, at least. Mocking each other in a light-hearted manner is somewhat traditional.

If the subject of an offensive joke IS offended then I guess I'd have to re-evaluate my friendship with them. Clearly either I believe us to be better friends than they do, or there's some kind of raw nerve I accidentally trod on and should apologise for. Either way it would make me re-think my behaviours. But that's behaviour, in my opinion, not morals.

[funny10sport]

To be honest, I have asked myself this question a lot of times. But now I am happy with my answer which is no, I would never. I think this question applies to many things in our lives like peer pressure, relationships, confidence and independence.

PEER PRESSURE

"If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing."

Honestly, this is the most truthful quote up there. In high school, we are often pressured into doing things we don't want to do like drugs, sex, alcohol, cheating etc. For example, I remember getting pressured into drinking at a house party for the first time. And I did. In fact I liked it, and I felt accepted. But afterwards, I was tipsy, I lied to mother, and I just wasn't happy with myself (not to mention going to the gym the next morning, feeling super tired =.=*). I'm pretty sure we all experienced that need to feel accepted, to fit in and feel like we belong. But deep down, there is something about those things that just don't truly make us happy. And we still do them because we don't want people to make rumours about us.

INDEPENDANCE

People shouldn't need to depend on others to feel happy about themselves. You are your own person. You end up doing all these things just so you can feel cool but if you think about it, when you comprise yourself to the people around you, you are only being a follower.

I mean, are they really your true friends if you need to alter yourself to fit in with them? At school, it seems like popularity and being accepted is everything. Think about it, 10 years from now, who is going to remember you? Once you graduate from high school, you are on your own. So while they're at it, I think people should leave high school being proud of themselves.

If someone truly accepted you, they wouldn't make you feel uncomfortable or make you do something you don't want to do. Be with people who make you happy and appreciate your presence. I'd rather have one true friend then a group of people who are all backstabbers.

Sometimes, it is hard to find that true friend and if you cannot then you know what? Be your best friend because you've got yourself to depend on. You are living for yourself. You are not living for anybody else. And I think this ties in to the next thing, confidence.

CONFIDENCE

I think another aspect to this question is confidence. If you were proud of yourself, you would never really lower your standards and your morals.

We all have insecurities, and low self esteem. I know I do. When I was in 8th grade, I remember being slightly overweight because I would drown all my problems in food. (I mean come on, a girl's best friend is CHOCOLATE ) But the thing is, I would beat myself up mentally and I wouldn't do anything about it! It just kept getting worse. I think people often complain about their problems without doing anything about it. Realize what your flaws are and fix them. Even the best people out there have flaws. It is all these things put together that makes you, you! Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, embrace who you are and find that satisfaction in yourself.

In conclusion, you have your own instincts. If something does not feel right, if you feel like you are not being yourself or if you feel uncomfortable around certain people, leave them. You have to make a distinction between people who care about you and people who use you. Be smart and listen to yourself. So in my opinion, I would stay away from anything that makes you go against your beliefs, your morals and your values. And just enjoy life to the fullest!

Phew that was a long rant!

P.S. This is just my opinion and answer regarding this question. I do not wish to offend people and what you decide is completely up to you! Sorry if I went slightly off topic.

[Mahuta ♥]

I wouldn't be willing to compromise on my morals in a situation, but to be honest a lot of the scenarios you find are not (for me) moral scenarios.

Honestly, if it made me happier to compromise a few things about how I behaved or what I talked about/laughed at than to stay apart and be 'true to myself', I think it's daft to not make the compromise.

True, that's what I believe in. But some people beg to differ, they believe being a long and true to yourself is much better than compromising a few things just because they wouldn't feel like themselves. (P.S This has got nothing to do with the next replier)

I think it's daft too, and I when I talked about this with someone they said: "Why should I compromise? Why can't they compromise a few things? For example, not taking a joke seriously or not make jokes that may offend people" They also insist that if everyone had that mentality ( yours for example), human rights will no longer exist. You compromising will make several rights disappear, then someone else's compromising will make other rights disappear and so on. Remember that this is not what I think, I am giving you a real example of how some people think! I was honestly speechless. Every time I said, why can't you this and that, he'd say "why can't they this and that" why does it have to be me, why do I have to be the one who changes for them.

Groups and group behaviour are all about compromise. However, that's for social scenarios like not having the right type of personality or something. I mean ideally I wouldn't hang out with people I didn't get along with, but if I had no choice then I think I'd try to blend in with the group - the alternative is to be unhappy and undermine the whole group ethos. Everybody compromises somewhat in settings like that.

Exactly, I believe the moderate acceptable compromise is only possible if the whole group does it, otherwise it's just that one compromiser being a coward. What I bolded: that summarized everything. You are the type of person who is willing to make compromises if you have no choice. In other words, you're not the "No compromise no matter what" type of person.

However if somehow those scenarios strayed across a moral value that I had, I would feel compelled either to disagree or distance myself from it. I just find it highly unlikely. I guess if somebody made a racist joke or something that was in my opinion distasteful, I would say something - or at least I wouldn't be able to go along with it without losing my own self-respect.

Yes, because the racist joke wasn't about you. I would give you another hypothetical situation but you are not easily offended so yeah, haha. EDIT: Another hypothetical situation below.

But on the whole topics which offend my moral values are few and far between and rarely come up in conversation, nor am I easily offended. In my opinion, if the subject of a joke is happy to laugh about it and doesn't take it seriously, then offensive jokes amongst friends are actually bonding more than anything else. When you're comfortable enough with other people to take their insults and know they don't mean them, or that they're just being honest but never mean you any harm by it, then you know you've got a great group of mates Making fun of people is like a way to show you're good friends. Possibly it's got a bit of a cultural element to it, but that's how pretty much all the British tend to see it, at least. Mocking each other in a light-hearted manner is somewhat traditional.

Yeah true. I have no comment there. I guess I didn't choose the right example since jokes amongst friends aren't usually a big deal. That being said, when I imagining this hypothetical situation, it was of someone new to the group, not an old member of the group. That's the main issue I raised in my first post. For someone who is new and has no friends it's different. Imagine yourself in their position. You are 'starting' to get along with a certain group you found is the closest to you in terms of personalities, you know...your type of people (or so you think) and they start making their jokes. You are the type of person who feels strongly about racist jokes. When they make a racist joke, would you not say anything and laugh along or stop them from the first time and express your annoyance?

---

To be honest, I have asked myself this question a lot of times. But now I am happy with my answer which is no, I would never. I think this question applies to many things in our lives like peer pressure, relationships, confidence and independence.

PEER PRESSURE

"If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing."

Honestly, this is the most truthful quote up there. In high school, we are often pressured into doing things we don't want to do like drugs, sex, alcohol, cheating etc. For example, I remember getting pressured into drinking at a house party for the first time. And I did. In fact I liked it, and I felt accepted. But afterwards, I was tipsy, I lied to mother, and I just wasn't happy with myself (not to mention going to the gym the next morning, feeling super tired =.=*). I'm pretty sure we all experienced that need to feel accepted, to fit in and feel like we belong. But deep down, there is something about those things that just don't truly make us happy. And we still do them because we don't want people to make rumours about us.

INDEPENDANCE

People shouldn't need to depend on others to feel happy about themselves. You are your own person. You end up doing all these things just so you can feel cool but if you think about it, when you comprise yourself to the people around you, you are only being a follower.

I mean, are they really your true friends if you need to alter yourself to fit in with them? At school, it seems like popularity and being accepted is everything. Think about it, 10 years from now, who is going to remember you? Once you graduate from high school, you are on your own. So while they're at it, I think people should leave high school being proud of themselves.

If someone truly accepted you, they wouldn't make you feel uncomfortable or make you do something you don't want to do. Be with people who make you happy and appreciate your presence. I'd rather have one true friend then a group of people who are all backstabbers.

Sometimes, it is hard to find that true friend and if you cannot then you know what? Be your best friend because you've got yourself to depend on. You are living for yourself. You are not living for anybody else. And I think this ties in to the next thing, confidence.

CONFIDENCE

I think another aspect to this question is confidence. If you were proud of yourself, you would never really lower your standards and your morals.

We all have insecurities, and low self esteem. I know I do. When I was in 8th grade, I remember being slightly overweight because I would drown all my problems in food. (I mean come on, a girl's best friend is CHOCOLATE ) But the thing is, I would beat myself up mentally and I wouldn't do anything about it! It just kept getting worse. I think people often complain about their problems without doing anything about it. Realize what your flaws are and fix them. Even the best people out there have flaws. It is all these things put together that makes you, you! Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, embrace who you are and find that satisfaction in yourself.

In conclusion, you have your own instincts. If something does not feel right, if you feel like you are not being yourself or if you feel uncomfortable around certain people, leave them. You have to make a distinction between people who care about you and people who use you. Be smart and listen to yourself. So in my opinion, I would stay away from anything that makes you go against your beliefs, your morals and your values. And just enjoy life to the fullest!

Phew that was a long rant!

P.S. This is just my opinion and answer regarding this question. I do not wish to offend people and what you decide is completely up to you! Sorry if I went slightly off topic.

That quote is just as exaggerating and extreme as the ones before it to be honest. It is basically saying if you care about people liking you/accepting you, you are wasting your time and would achieve nothing. That's a bad generalization. If all you care about is being liked and compromise everything to achieve that, then yes I would agree with that quote. But like Sandwich mentioned above, some compromise is required sometimes. Imagine if everyone had that idea (no compromise). I think no one would be friends with anyone else.

The part I agree 100% with is that sometimes you do things or..make compromises in order to get along that would give you that nice feeling of being accepted for a little while, then guilt takes over. If not guilt, the unhappiness of being accepted by modifying or letting go of your principles. I think that's one of the biggest problems with compromising. I think it's in our nature to want to be accepted and liked because we are social human beings (or whatever they call social human beings), so even though we'd feel guilty/unhappy the first time, we're still going to compromise the second, third......the nth time, it may not seem the same, but we keep doing it in different ways. That being said, some people don't ever do it again after the first time because in their opinion, nothing is worth it. I don't think it's even possible to make compromises and be 100% satisfied and happy with the results. You are bound to get that negative feeling, whatever it is.

The important question is, would all these negative things about compromising still stand if it wasn't only one person who's doing it? In other words, would your opinions be the same if I asked the same questions but this time about a group of people who are all compromising? There certainly wouldn't be the problem of being a follower and all that. What other problems would come up in your opinion?

It's fine, no worries haha, I am not having problems of my own anyway, I just wanted to see people's opinions.

[funny10sport]

I wouldn't be willing to compromise on my morals in a situation, but to be honest a lot of the scenarios you find are not (for me) moral scenarios.

Honestly, if it made me happier to compromise a few things about how I behaved or what I talked about/laughed at than to stay apart and be 'true to myself', I think it's daft to not make the compromise.

True, that's what I believe in. But some people beg to differ, they believe being a long and true to yourself is much better than compromising a few things just because they wouldn't feel like themselves. (P.S This has got nothing to do with the next replier)

I think it's daft too, and I when I talked about this with someone they said: "Why should I compromise? Why can't they compromise a few things? For example, not taking a joke seriously or not make jokes that may offend people" They also insist that if everyone had that mentality ( yours for example), human rights will no longer exist. You compromising will make several rights disappear, then someone else's compromising will make other rights disappear and so on. Remember that this is not what I think, I am giving you a real example of how some people think! I was honestly speechless. Every time I said, why can't you this and that, he'd say "why can't they this and that" why does it have to be me, why do I have to be the one who changes for them.

Groups and group behaviour are all about compromise. However, that's for social scenarios like not having the right type of personality or something. I mean ideally I wouldn't hang out with people I didn't get along with, but if I had no choice then I think I'd try to blend in with the group - the alternative is to be unhappy and undermine the whole group ethos. Everybody compromises somewhat in settings like that.

Exactly, I believe the moderate acceptable compromise is only possible if the whole group does it, otherwise it's just that one compromiser being a coward. What I bolded: that summarized everything. You are the type of person who is willing to make compromises if you have no choice. In other words, you're not the "No compromise no matter what" type of person.

However if somehow those scenarios strayed across a moral value that I had, I would feel compelled either to disagree or distance myself from it. I just find it highly unlikely. I guess if somebody made a racist joke or something that was in my opinion distasteful, I would say something - or at least I wouldn't be able to go along with it without losing my own self-respect.

Yes, because the racist joke wasn't about you. I would give you another hypothetical situation but you are not easily offended so yeah, haha. EDIT: Another hypothetical situation below.

But on the whole topics which offend my moral values are few and far between and rarely come up in conversation, nor am I easily offended. In my opinion, if the subject of a joke is happy to laugh about it and doesn't take it seriously, then offensive jokes amongst friends are actually bonding more than anything else. When you're comfortable enough with other people to take their insults and know they don't mean them, or that they're just being honest but never mean you any harm by it, then you know you've got a great group of mates Making fun of people is like a way to show you're good friends. Possibly it's got a bit of a cultural element to it, but that's how pretty much all the British tend to see it, at least. Mocking each other in a light-hearted manner is somewhat traditional.

Yeah true. I have no comment there. I guess I didn't choose the right example since jokes amongst friends aren't usually a big deal. That being said, when I imagining this hypothetical situation, it was of someone new to the group, not an old member of the group. That's the main issue I raised in my first post. For someone who is new and has no friends it's different. Imagine yourself in their position. You are 'starting' to get along with a certain group you found is the closest to you in terms of personalities, you know...your type of people (or so you think) and they start making their jokes. You are the type of person who feels strongly about racist jokes. When they make a racist joke, would you not say anything and laugh along or stop them from the first time and express your annoyance?

---

To be honest, I have asked myself this question a lot of times. But now I am happy with my answer which is no, I would never. I think this question applies to many things in our lives like peer pressure, relationships, confidence and independence.

PEER PRESSURE

"If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing."

Honestly, this is the most truthful quote up there. In high school, we are often pressured into doing things we don't want to do like drugs, sex, alcohol, cheating etc. For example, I remember getting pressured into drinking at a house party for the first time. And I did. In fact I liked it, and I felt accepted. But afterwards, I was tipsy, I lied to mother, and I just wasn't happy with myself (not to mention going to the gym the next morning, feeling super tired =.=*). I'm pretty sure we all experienced that need to feel accepted, to fit in and feel like we belong. But deep down, there is something about those things that just don't truly make us happy. And we still do them because we don't want people to make rumours about us.

INDEPENDANCE

People shouldn't need to depend on others to feel happy about themselves. You are your own person. You end up doing all these things just so you can feel cool but if you think about it, when you comprise yourself to the people around you, you are only being a follower.

I mean, are they really your true friends if you need to alter yourself to fit in with them? At school, it seems like popularity and being accepted is everything. Think about it, 10 years from now, who is going to remember you? Once you graduate from high school, you are on your own. So while they're at it, I think people should leave high school being proud of themselves.

If someone truly accepted you, they wouldn't make you feel uncomfortable or make you do something you don't want to do. Be with people who make you happy and appreciate your presence. I'd rather have one true friend then a group of people who are all backstabbers.

Sometimes, it is hard to find that true friend and if you cannot then you know what? Be your best friend because you've got yourself to depend on. You are living for yourself. You are not living for anybody else. And I think this ties in to the next thing, confidence.

CONFIDENCE

I think another aspect to this question is confidence. If you were proud of yourself, you would never really lower your standards and your morals.

We all have insecurities, and low self esteem. I know I do. When I was in 8th grade, I remember being slightly overweight because I would drown all my problems in food. (I mean come on, a girl's best friend is CHOCOLATE ) But the thing is, I would beat myself up mentally and I wouldn't do anything about it! It just kept getting worse. I think people often complain about their problems without doing anything about it. Realize what your flaws are and fix them. Even the best people out there have flaws. It is all these things put together that makes you, you! Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, embrace who you are and find that satisfaction in yourself.

In conclusion, you have your own instincts. If something does not feel right, if you feel like you are not being yourself or if you feel uncomfortable around certain people, leave them. You have to make a distinction between people who care about you and people who use you. Be smart and listen to yourself. So in my opinion, I would stay away from anything that makes you go against your beliefs, your morals and your values. And just enjoy life to the fullest!

Phew that was a long rant!

P.S. This is just my opinion and answer regarding this question. I do not wish to offend people and what you decide is completely up to you! Sorry if I went slightly off topic.

That quote is just as exaggerating and extreme as the ones before it to be honest. It is basically saying if you care about people liking you/accepting you, you are wasting your time and would achieve nothing. That's a bad generalization. If all you care about is being liked and compromise everything to achieve that, then yes I would agree with that quote. But like Sandwich mentioned above, some compromise is required sometimes. Imagine if everyone had that idea (no compromise). I think no one would be friends with anyone else.

The part I agree 100% with is that sometimes you do things or..make compromises in order to get along that would give you that nice feeling of being accepted for a little while, then guilt takes over. If not guilt, the unhappiness of being accepted by modifying or letting go of your principles. I think that's one of the biggest problems with compromising. I think it's in our nature to want to be accepted and liked because we are social human beings (or whatever they call social human beings), so even though we'd feel guilty/unhappy the first time, we're still going to compromise the second, third......the nth time, it may not seem the same, but we keep doing it in different ways. That being said, some people don't ever do it again after the first time because in their opinion, nothing is worth it. I don't think it's even possible to make compromises and be 100% satisfied and happy with the results. You are bound to get that negative feeling, whatever it is.

The important question is, would all these negative things about compromising still stand if it wasn't only one person who's doing it? In other words, would your opinions be the same if I asked the same questions but this time about a group of people who are all compromising? There certainly wouldn't be the problem of being a follower and all that. What other problems would come up in your opinion?

It's fine, no worries haha, I am not having problems of my own anyway, I just wanted to see people's opinions.

Compromise is definetly something needed in our daily lives. I was just implying "negative compromise" If that makes sence...like peer pressure for example. And in those cases, I wouldn't throw away my values for them.

I only spoke one side of the whole aspect here because I think there are so many ways to approach this question. I am in no position to generalize and judge people either, I only simply wrote what was on my mind when I saw this question, hoping that people would see a optimistic answer towards "negative compromise"

I think you raise a very good point there. If that were the case, then perhaps, there would be understanding amongst this society, where a person is able to pursue their path, without hindering others. I wonder if that make sense...

Oh I'm sorry! :3 I didn't mean to imply you exactly when I was writing that. I was just speaking in general and started ranting and didn't stay with addressing a third person audience.

[Sandwich]

True, that's what I believe in. But some people beg to differ, they believe being a long and true to yourself is much better than compromising a few things just because they wouldn't feel like themselves. (P.S This has got nothing to do with the next replier)

I think it's daft too, and I when I talked about this with someone they said: "Why should I compromise? Why can't they compromise a few things? For example, not taking a joke seriously or not make jokes that may offend people" They also insist that if everyone had that mentality ( yours for example), human rights will no longer exist. You compromising will make several rights disappear, then someone else's compromising will make other rights disappear and so on. Remember that this is not what I think, I am giving you a real example of how some people think! I was honestly speechless. Every time I said, why can't you this and that, he'd say "why can't they this and that" why does it have to be me, why do I have to be the one who changes for them.

Yeah true. I have no comment there. I guess I didn't choose the right example since jokes amongst friends aren't usually a big deal. That being said, when I imagining this hypothetical situation, it was of someone new to the group, not an old member of the group. That's the main issue I raised in my first post. For someone who is new and has no friends it's different. Imagine yourself in their position. You are 'starting' to get along with a certain group you found is the closest to you in terms of personalities, you know...your type of people (or so you think) and they start making their jokes. You are the type of person who feels strongly about racist jokes. When they make a racist joke, would you not say anything and laugh along or stop them from the first time and express your annoyance?

Well in my opinion in the first situation it's their choice not to compromise but nobody's going to like them and they're probably going to be unhappy, so people who refuse to compromise on even just the little things are effectively not going to be easy people to get alone with. I don't want to do everything their way and don't expect them to do everything my way either; if they don't understand that my life isn't going to be regulated by their opinions, then that's their problem. It may sound a little harsh but I've certainly had some acquaintances who turned out to be insufferable sensitive flowers with no sense of humour and I couldn't relax enough to be myself around them because god knows what comment they'd turn into a war. I tend to make quite a few little jokes which I never mean anything by - they're not offensive but if for instance I made a joking reference to politics, I expect other people to understand it as a joke, not think that I'm literally trying to prove some kind of political point. I don't want to be sarcastically told that what I'm suggesting isn't feasible and I'm a bit of an idiot... strangely my joke was not in fact my considered opinion on what should actually be done! I often jokingly pretend to have views which are not my own - and make it very clear it's a joke! But some people have their personalities set to instant-aggression and over-interpret everything. That's how it seems to me anyway. So yeah those people can choose not to compromise or to take a light-hearted view to life, but I also don't want to spend any time with them - and suspect others wouldn't want to either.

The whole human rights thing really only applies to human rights. Like if I saw somebody being abused in the street I'd hardly go "oh well as you guys are torturing somebody I guess that I'll say torture is okay". It's not a slippery slope from what time I'd rather meet people for lunch right down to okaying murder or anything. It's a bit of an ad absurdum argument in my opinion to assume that any compromise means ALL compromise.

As for the latter incident, I'd stop the first time and I certainly wouldn't laugh; I don't find that kind of thing funny. That's what I meant in my original post - I have no time for people who are bigoted and do things I find morally unacceptable. However morally (as opposed to just behaving like a Class I Pain in the Behind) unacceptable things are pretty rare amongst friends. Honestly it's mostly murder, bigotry, violence... I mean those really don't tend to occur! Maybe if my 'moral' values included more normal societal behaviours (e.g. drinking alcohol, not being covered) then maybe I'd go around angry and upset with the world at being such a degenerate place. Certainly there are plenty of habits I find horrible - smoking, for instance. Anybody who thinks it's okay to smoke around me, I just don't want to know. Smells disgusting, burns my throat, sets off asthma. But that's not a moral repulsion, I don't think those people are immoral; I just think they're selfish.

[Neuronic]

I believe that it depends on the situation (like everything else). For example, in a relationship one has to compromise from time to time. However, I would never compromise on my strongest beliefs, and I think that doing so is wrong. For instance, I would not lie to the police only to protect a friend (as long as I trust the legal system). In the same way, I think that it is important to do something if one finds the laws in a country wrong. If everybody just compromised all the time, we would still have (more widespread) slavery, segregation, torture etc.

I think this quote is the one closest to truth: "If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing," even though it probably depends on how you define "achieve nothing". For the person that only wants to be liked, to be liked is the achievement. In my world, though, I would see it as failure if I had do compromise on my strongest beliefs to get somewhere. It would simply feel as if I had betrayed myself.

As you might understand, I have never been the compromising kind of person, and yes, I suppose it has brought me some difficulties. When I was younger I had a strong belief in God. I was not afraid to tell, and so I was bullied quite a lot. I could have hidden my beliefs or even repressed my beliefs only for the sake of having more friends and not being bullied, but I didn't. I feel proud of that today, but maybe I could have had a better childhood if i had compromised more? I don't know.

Edited April 6, 2012 by Neuronic

[Danbo]

I answered yes, I would compromise myself for the people around me. As much as I wanted to say no, I wouldn't I know that I probably would if I were put in certain situations. Although I strongly think one shouldn't compromise themselves for the sake of preserving individuality, I don't know why I do it to myself. I think I allow myself to be influenced way too much but hopefully, through reading these posts I can start not compromising myself.

Just recently starting IB, I think I've done that to myself a lot. A lot of my friends left the school so I was afraid that if I didn't act in a certain way in some situations then I'd be ridiculed and looked down upon. Especially at the beginning of the year because I took my studies so seriously and everyone was so laid back about everything. I'd stress out (I still stress out) about everything IB-related because my school still isn't quite completely familiarized with the program and everyone would criticize me about how I'm stress out way too much. In the end, I decided to stress out silently? I think a lot of the times the censure I face causes me to be less outspoken and probably this is one of the main reasons why a lot of people do compromise themselves for the sake of the others around them.

But that is something that I really hate about myself. I wish I could be stronger and preserve who I am completely. There are still a lot of moral and principles that I retain but again, I'm not outspoken about because I am afraid of harsh criticism from those around me. I guess I just have to grow out of that. I don't know.

This post makes me feel weak and insecure :\ But there it is.

[funny10sport]

As you might understand, I have never been the compromising kind of person, and yes, I suppose it has brought me some difficulties. When I was younger I had a strong belief in God. I was not afraid to tell, and so I was bullied quite a lot. I could have hidden my beliefs or even repressed my beliefs only for the sake of having more friends and not being bullied, but I didn't. I feel proud of that today, but maybe I could have had a better childhood if i had compromised more? I don't know.

I went through something very similar. Before, I went to a public french school, where atheism is very prominent. And often I would be ridiculed for having my beliefs in God. Personally, one should be free to believe in things they want to, I'm glad you still stood up for what you believed in.

I answered yes, I would compromise myself for the people around me. As much as I wanted to say no, I wouldn't I know that I probably would if I were put in certain situations. Although I strongly think one shouldn't compromise themselves for the sake of preserving individuality, I don't know why I do it to myself. I think I allow myself to be influenced way too much but hopefully, through reading these posts I can start not compromising myself.

Just recently starting IB, I think I've done that to myself a lot. A lot of my friends left the school so I was afraid that if I didn't act in a certain way in some situations then I'd be ridiculed and looked down upon. Especially at the beginning of the year because I took my studies so seriously and everyone was so laid back about everything. I'd stress out (I still stress out) about everything IB-related because my school still isn't quite completely familiarized with the program and everyone would criticize me about how I'm stress out way too much. In the end, I decided to stress out silently? I think a lot of the times the censure I face causes me to be less outspoken and probably this is one of the main reasons why a lot of people do compromise themselves for the sake of the others around them.

But that is something that I really hate about myself. I wish I could be stronger and preserve who I am completely. There are still a lot of moral and principles that I retain but again, I'm not outspoken about because I am afraid of harsh criticism from those around me. I guess I just have to grow out of that. I don't know.

This post makes me feel weak and insecure :\ But there it is.

Girl, you do not need to feel week or insecure! You are definetely not the only who feels this way, I felt like that too sometimes. But think about it this way, you have realized the things that you want to improve yourself on, so do it.

And about the stress, everybody has stress but some people may stress a lot more than others. It's just how you manage it so that you can make a good outcome for yourself out of a bad situation.

And you know what, because you take your work a lot more seriously, I actually feel more sorry for those who just laze around. IB is hard, so in the end, maybe they will be the ones who quit, who knows. Continue with your good work ethics, because in the end, its your future that is going to count.

[Danbo]

Girl, you do not need to feel week or insecure! You are definetely not the only who feels this way, I felt like that too sometimes. But think about it this way, you have realized the things that you want to improve yourself on, so do it.

And about the stress, everybody has stress but some people may stress a lot more than others. It's just how you manage it so that you can make a good outcome for yourself out of a bad situation.

And you know what, because you take your work a lot more seriously, I actually feel more sorry for those who just laze around. IB is hard, so in the end, maybe they will be the ones who quit, who knows. Continue with your good work ethics, because in the end, its your future that is going to count.

Thanks for the moral support Time to rectify the error

[krakaton]

Morals, what are those?

[Award Winning Boss]

Morals, what are those?

[Tony Stark]

Ultimately, you are the only person whom you truly know. Don't compromise for unknown actors.

[krakaton]

Morals, what are those?

[Crazy Gemini]

I don't think I ever would... Morals are pretty much your values about right and wrong, they're part of what makes you you - your core beliefs that shape your further beliefs