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Help On How To Write An IB Paper

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Help on How to Write an IB Paper
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lit place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

2. Read over the assignment carefully to make certain you understand it.

3. Walk to the local Starbucks and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.

4. Stop over at a friend's house on the way back and visit with them. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you their paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating plastic see-thru folders, kill them. Your friend is a secret operative for The Machines.

5. When you get back, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

6. Read over the assignment again to make sure you absolutely understand it.

7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

9. Listen to one side of your favourite tape and that's it. I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start the paper.

10. Listen to the other side.

11. Rearrange all of your CD's, tapes, etc. into alphabetical order.

12. Phone your friend and ask if they've started the paper yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the IB program, and the world in general.

13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lit place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savour its special flavour.

15. Check out the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. Note: when a paper is due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theatre to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions: 1) Pro Bowler's Tour, 2) any movie starring Don Ameche. 3) Barney and Sesame Street.

16. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.

17. Phone your friend again to see if they were watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot. If you previously executed this friend, then rebuild him, discuss the movie, and kill him again.

18. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.

19. Look through your album of pictures from the last 15 years. Try to remember who everyone is.

20. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your future.

21. Open your door and check to see if there are any IB coordinators lurking about.

22. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

23. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.

24. Carefully read Uncyclopedia's section on the Unternational Baccalaureate.

25. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

26. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

27. Continue these steps until time for the bus.

28. Write 501 words, since this is closer to 1000 than 0, and consider assignment complete.

29. Repeat steps 1 to 28 for remaining assignments.

30. Copy from someone else right before class.

31. Before class has began write the answers to every of your subjects' syllabus onto a table, which you have carefully chosen. Now copy the answers onto your answer paper.

32. Once you feel you have achieved enough marks, STOP. Now slowly start making rude noises to the students around you, making sure you keep your eyes closed.

33. Try to convince your teachers that you actually know what you're doing so they might just give you some extra credit for the hell of it. (0.0046 points of extra credit for being more of a dumbass then anyone else in the class and amazing your teacher simultaneously)


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