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How to make others Happy?

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Hello!

This might be a bit childish question but I am good at making my friends angry. My teachers are happy with me and my parents are also happy with my character. but when it comes to my friends I don't know they think I am some sort of crazy person. I will list out few things and please tell me where I go wrong.

1) My friends some times uses some unpleasant words during conversation. But I act as if I don't understand that word ( I don't want to use abusive language nor do I want to learn it.) When my friends tries to teach those meaning of that words I purposely act as if I don't understand and my friends gets irritated at this.

2) I am not a fan of music, sports nor of any movies. I just like to read books, collect stamps, play chess, don't make fun of any teachers and I only like badminton as a outdoor sport. When my friends ask which is your favorite movies/sports etc and I say I don't like any and my friends once again they become irritated.

3) They think that I am too obedient and disciplined and when they don't seem to like it.

4) They usually talk about girls saying that I went to that school and saw many beautiful girls and all of them would agree except me. And the same question when they ask to me "Don't you think they are beautiful?" then I always says " Better to judge the girl by character and not by beauty which drives them crazy.

All of you can you suggest what should I do to be more close to my friends. I think my behavior is doing good for my parents and teachers and not among friends.

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I will only refer to the second point, if you say you don't have favourite music, sports, movie etc., they think there is nothing to talk about with you and so they won't. I also never had favourite stuff when I was younger to be honest, but surely you have seen a movie or heard a song that you liked. You don't have to say that you're suuch a great fan of it, I understand your position here, but show that you wanna take part in a conversation and that you do know and care what they're talking about. Surprisingly (also for me ;dd) friendship is about telling each other stupid jokes and irrelevant things, not only having intelectual conversation about high level literature ;)

About other things, it all does sound a little funny. Maybe you should find different people to hang out with because it seems like the friends you have are not 'your type' so to speak.

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In regards to this, being proper isn't always necessary! Like maereth said, you must like some movies or music to a certain extent. Mention them and talk about that, even though that may not be your area of interest. Likewise for girls - you can acknowledge it, even though it's not a major factor for you. In terms of discipline and obedience, be a little more relaxed when around them! you don't have to relax any of your standards, but just try letting things go and flow! Try working with them and seeing if you like that which they like. And if all else fails, there are lots of great people in the world which share your interests and values. Try talking to one of them!

Good luck,

Rahul

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Guest Zoya (aka: ziasha)

HIIII!!!

Okay getting to the point. Simply these people aren't your "Real FRIENDS". I am sorry if this sounds harsh, mean or rude, but this an honest OPINION. i have been there and done that. You don't need to change to make your friends happy, you obviously just aren't with the right kind of friends for you. I am sure if you go looking around a little, or maybe waited or something, you will definitely get the right ones. i have had friends exactly like you described, and it had a HUGE impact on my studies, but i was in my 9th so i had enough time to realize HOW important it ACTUALLY is to have the RIGHT kind of FRIEND CIRCLE. I mean you'll find the perfect one's and then you'll never let them go (trust me i have found them, took me 2 years but well it was soooo worth the wait). i have 3 great FRIENDS, i love them. they all are perfect, very different from me, but we blend together perfectly. i mean thats what matters, "its the opposite that attracts after all" :D i mean life gets all better and stuff. though obviously i m sure you would have at least someone. like maybe a childhood friend (that was for me :D haha 15 years of great friendship). so well my advise to you in short is Hold on, don't let this affect your studies (i learn't the hard way and you don't have to), be patient. and DON'T CHANGE cause even if you do THEY'LL not be satisfied. when you find the right ones you will NEVER EVER hesitate to adjust :D :D. Trust me i know :D

Edited by ziasha
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HIIII!!!

Okay getting to the point. Simply these people aren't your "Real FRIENDS". I am sorry if this sounds harsh, mean or rude, but this an honest OPINION. i have been there and done that. You don't need to change to make your friends happy, you obviously just aren't with the right kind of friends for you. I am sure if you go looking around a little, or maybe waited or something you will definitely get the right ones. i have had friends exactly like you described, and it had a HUGE impact on my studies, but i was in my 9th so i had enough time to realize HOW important it ACTUALLY is to have the RIGHT kind of FRIEND CIRCLE. I mean you'll find the perfect one's and then you'll never let them go (trust me i have found them, took me 2 years but well it was soooo worth the wait). i have 3 great FRIEND, i love them. they all are perfect, very different from me, but we blend together perfectly. i mean thats what matters, "its the opposite that attracts after all" :D i mean life gets all better and stuff. though obviously i m sure you would have at least someone. like maybe a childhood friend (that was for me :D haha 15 years of great friendship). so well my advise to you in short is Hold on, don't let this affect your studies (i learn't the hard way and you don't have to), be patient. and DON'T CHANGE cause even if you do THEY'LL not be satisfied. when you find the right ones you will NEVER EVER hesitate to adjust :D :D. Trust me i know :D

Hey Hi there !

Thanks for your advice. No you are right but others above also have some point that I should watch cinemas and like sports (which means I can retain 2 friends but I must leave rest because they use abusive language). I can only wait till my universities. Till now at-least I can rely on you, Rahul and maereth and entire IB gang :D. So eagerly waiting to finish IB. :)

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Guest Zoya (aka: ziasha)

HIIII!!!

Okay getting to the point. Simply these people aren't your "Real FRIENDS". I am sorry if this sounds harsh, mean or rude, but this an honest OPINION. i have been there and done that. You don't need to change to make your friends happy, you obviously just aren't with the right kind of friends for you. I am sure if you go looking around a little, or maybe waited or something you will definitely get the right ones. i have had friends exactly like you described, and it had a HUGE impact on my studies, but i was in my 9th so i had enough time to realize HOW important it ACTUALLY is to have the RIGHT kind of FRIEND CIRCLE. I mean you'll find the perfect one's and then you'll never let them go (trust me i have found them, took me 2 years but well it was soooo worth the wait). i have 3 great FRIEND, i love them. they all are perfect, very different from me, but we blend together perfectly. i mean thats what matters, "its the opposite that attracts after all" :D i mean life gets all better and stuff. though obviously i m sure you would have at least someone. like maybe a childhood friend (that was for me :D haha 15 years of great friendship). so well my advise to you in short is Hold on, don't let this affect your studies (i learn't the hard way and you don't have to), be patient. and DON'T CHANGE cause even if you do THEY'LL not be satisfied. when you find the right ones you will NEVER EVER hesitate to adjust :D :D. Trust me i know :D

Hey Hi there !

Thanks for your advice. No you are right but others above also have some point that I should watch cinemas and like sports (which means I can retain 2 friends but I must leave rest because they use abusive language). I can only wait till my universities. Till now at-least I can rely on you, Rahul and maereth and entire IB gang :D. So eagerly waiting to finish IB. :)

NO don't leave them as such, just like don't pay much heat to what they say :D. well yeah you should be outgoing :D i mean thats cool :D. hahaha well good luck and hope you find what you seek :D

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As much as I'd like to say that your friends are horrible and you should find some new friends, I can't help but think... what? You're doing something wrong here.

1. You pretend like you don't understand what they're saying. Don't you realise how childish that is? It's like correcting every single grammar mistake you see. No one is saying that you have to use it yourself, they're just a bit more vulgar than you. A few swear words won't turn your tongue blue. It happens in life. Your attitude towards vulgar language isn't commendable, it's silly and unnecessary.

2. You don't like sport but you like badminton. That doesn't even make sense. You realise badminton is a sport, right?

3. Non issue really. But I have no idea what they think is too obedient anyway.

4. Come on, man. This reeks of white knighting so much it's ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with saying a girl is beautiful or whatever because guess what, that sort of stuff is important in relationships. It's near impossible to avoid the idea of how pretty someone is and purely judge someone on their appearance. Plus, it's 100% unnecessary. It doesn't make you a judgemental pig that few foolish people seem to think.

But hey, I think you can change a few things that'll help. I'm not telling you to run after every one of your friends needs or anything. If you don't find somethings acceptable (like drinking or whatever) then don't do it. But some of the things that you're describing isn't really a clash of values but unintentional awkwardness. A closer set of friends would make the difference seem less obvious but you should open yourself up a bit more.

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If you really have to force yourself to make your friends happy, are they really your friends?

On another note, I agree with everything Award Winning Boss is saying, especially the last bit. For a relationship to actually work there should be at least some physical attraction towards a girlfriend/boyfriend. It's all very well and good saying that "better to judge the girl by character and not by beauty", but that only takes you so far. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is it's not a bad thing saying that a girl is pretty or whatever.

My friends smoke, etc... I can't say I do, but I don't get mad at them for doing it, neither do they get mad at me. I don't stand there awkwardly doing nothing, instead I carry on as normal.

Just a question, are these group of boys the 'cool' group, and you are 'new' to this group?

Edited by Yahooo!
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1) My friends some times uses some unpleasant words during conversation. But I act as if I don't understand that word ( I don't want to use abusive language nor do I want to learn it.) When my friends tries to teach those meaning of that words I purposely act as if I don't understand and my friends gets irritated at this.

2) I am not a fan of music, sports nor of any movies. I just like to read books, collect stamps, play chess, don't make fun of any teachers and I only like badminton as a outdoor sport. When my friends ask which is your favorite movies/sports etc and I say I don't like any and my friends once again they become irritated.

3) They think that I am too obedient and disciplined and when they don't seem to like it.

4) They usually talk about girls saying that I went to that school and saw many beautiful girls and all of them would agree except me. And the same question when they ask to me "Don't you think they are beautiful?" then I always says " Better to judge the girl by character and not by beauty which drives them crazy.

------

1) I think that you're scared of misusing the word and offending people by accident or something and if you are just "face the danger!" I know its a bit stupid to think like that but you're facing fear head on... I'm just speculating though so I have no idea if I'm hitting the right points.

For me, I know where you're coming from a bit and also just live a little with the vulgar swearing thing. However, the way you act with denying you don't know it is I guess a bit "childish" you're kind of yelling "la la la la" when someone is trying to tell you a spoiler to a book, movie, or story. Plus, try to get into their shoes and you'll understand that you will also be frustrated when you're trying to teach somebody something like a word/concept; and they purposely act they don't understand. won't you frustrated as well? I know I would.

2) I think in friendships, you have to meet people half-way because while your friends are trying to discuss common topics. I think its best for you to have something to talk about, it doesn't have to be something super duper but it doesn't hurt to have a back-up so there's not like any awkwardness or whatever. Plus, maybe you could steer the topic towards something you like and if the friend is interested then the topic can blossom however most people generally talk about movies, sports, or television mind you that and may get bored of what you're interested in. You shouldn't blame them for not liking what you like.

Also I don't like making fun of teachers as well, some people make fun of them and critique so bad; I seriously dislike it because you can't blame them for that. Plus they do it behind their backs and wow........... its high school though so hell maybe that's just normal. People have different maturities, I got to remember.

3) That issue is their problem, not yours. If you like being the obedient and disciplined one, then be that person. I don't think your chemistry with theirs mix well so they're a bit irritated by you in comparison to them I think :P

4) Maybe you haven't matured enough to appreciate a girl's beauty, don't take this as an offensive because the time I started liking girls was in Grade 9 while all my friends started in like Grade 6. Maybe you have a one sided view of a girl, try to expand your horizon. Have you really not looked at a girl and become fascinated by her beauty?

(Or maybe you have no hormones! Haha! That was mean, sorry.)

Honestly, this is all speculation on what you just said, so they don't take everything to be true. This is what I think of you. (HA, GAAAAY - it's a meme)

----

No one has really mentioned this but you need to start being empathetic when handling this type of situation; it can really help you understand the situation better by you going into their shoes. If you tried to deal with yourself in their shoes then maybe you'll understand their frustrations.

By doing so, you shouldn't change yourself into what they want but by doing so you're trying to retain a grander idea of the conflict. Its kind of like trying to get two sides of a conflict but you're merely speculating the other side, so don't take your speculation as fact ;)

You're question, it hit my soul so I thought of taking out my study time for my exams to type this up even though I have very little time... oh boy... 30 minutes took to type this up.

Edited by RedTopHats
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1) My friends some times uses some unpleasant words during conversation. But I act as if I don't understand that word ( I don't want to use abusive language nor do I want to learn it.) When my friends tries to teach those meaning of that words I purposely act as if I don't understand and my friends gets irritated at this.

2) I am not a fan of music, sports nor of any movies. I just like to read books, collect stamps, play chess, don't make fun of any teachers and I only like badminton as a outdoor sport. When my friends ask which is your favorite movies/sports etc and I say I don't like any and my friends once again they become irritated.

3) They think that I am too obedient and disciplined and when they don't seem to like it.

4) They usually talk about girls saying that I went to that school and saw many beautiful girls and all of them would agree except me. And the same question when they ask to me "Don't you think they are beautiful?" then I always says " Better to judge the girl by character and not by beauty which drives them crazy.

------

1) I think that you're scared of misusing the word and offending people by accident or something and if you are just "face the danger!" I know its a bit stupid to think like that but you're facing fear head on... I'm just speculating though so I have no idea if I'm hitting the right points.

For me, I know where you're coming from a bit and also just live a little with the vulgar swearing thing. However, the way you act with denying you don't know it is I guess a bit "childish" you're kind of yelling "la la la la" when someone is trying to tell you a spoiler to a book, movie, or story. Plus, try to get into their shoes and you'll understand that you will also be frustrated when you're trying to teach somebody something like a word/concept; and they purposely act they don't understand. won't you frustrated as well? I know I would.

2) I think in friendships, you have to meet people half-way because while your friends are trying to discuss common topics. I think its best for you to have something to talk about, it doesn't have to be something super duper but it doesn't hurt to have a back-up so there's not like any awkwardness or whatever. Plus, maybe you could steer the topic towards something you like and if the friend is interested then the topic can blossom however most people generally talk about movies, sports, or television mind you that and may get bored of what you're interested in. You shouldn't blame them for not liking what you like.

Also I don't like making fun of teachers as well, some people make fun of them and critique so bad; I seriously dislike it because you can't blame them for that. Plus they do it behind their backs and wow........... its high school though so hell maybe that's just normal. People have different maturities, I got to remember.

3) That issue is their problem, not yours. If you like being the obedient and disciplined one, then be that person. I don't think your chemistry with theirs mix well so they're a bit irritated by you in comparison to them I think :P

4) Maybe you haven't matured enough to appreciate a girl's beauty, don't take this as an offensive because the time I started liking girls was in Grade 9 while all my friends started in like Grade 6. Maybe you have a one sided view of a girl, try to expand your horizon. Have you really not looked at a girl and become fascinated by her beauty?

(Or maybe you have no hormones! Haha! That was mean, sorry.)

Honestly, this is all speculation on what you just said, so they don't take everything to be true. This is what I think of you. (HA, GAAAAY - it's a meme)

----

No one has really mentioned this but you need to start being empathetic when handling this type of situation; it can really help you understand the situation better by you going into their shoes. If you tried to deal with yourself in their shoes then maybe you'll understand their frustrations.

By doing so, you shouldn't change yourself into what they want but by doing so you're trying to retain a grander idea of the conflict. Its kind of like trying to get two sides of a conflict but you're merely speculating the other side, so don't take your speculation as fact ;)

You're question, it hit my soul so I thought of taking out my study time for my exams to type this up even though I have very little time... oh boy... 30 minutes took to type this up.

Thanks for taking trouble to write this. But I will still refrain from using abusive language. As about girls I have few friends but usually my friends ( boys) they talk anything about girls and you have no idea what they talk about them ( I hope you understand what I mean). Thanks a lot and best of luck for your exams. :)

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