Essay help please ;(

[breadcat]

Hello, fellow IB students!

Can you please help me support my argument for a Holocaust essay?

Thesis: Future Holocausts can be prevented after learning lessons from the Holocaust of World War II

Argument: The media makes sure that there are no secrecies such as the Holocaust, and by revealing what happened during the Holocaust, they take action to prevent it.

I mentioned this topic before, and my teacher wants me to fix it again DDDD:

Thanks so much!

[allyco.]

What kind of essay is that? maybe your topic is a a little too broad?

[Emmi]

Your thesis is very weak. It doesn't really set up your argument, or tell the reader what they're going to be reading , how you're going to be presenting your topic, and what the point of the essay is. You should include the main points of your argument in your thesis statement and show why they're important. For example, if I were writing an essay under the title "Should peaches be considered the best fruit ever?" and the main points I were going to argue would be that they're super delicious, they're nutritious, and you can use then in a variety of recipes, my thesis statement might be something like "Due to the high nutritional content of peaches, the wide variety of recipes found in baking and cooking throughout the world, and simply the fact that peaches are delicious, peaches should be considered the best fruit ever, which would entice more people into buying more peaches." Obviously this example is ridiculous, but you can see how I tell the reader what they're going to be reading, the general direction I'm going in, and how I'm going to end my argument/why it's important. It's much stronger, and when you're writing a paper intended to prove your point, you want the reader to be convinced that you're right.

[breadcat]

Well, my history teacher doesn't want us to include the supporting points with the thesis. He just wanted a simple statement, and said my thesis was fine... And he also told me to change my supporting point to what I put.. so idk /;

[Emmi]

Well, my history teacher doesn't want us to include the supporting points with the thesis. He just wanted a simple statement, and said my thesis was fine... And he also told me to change my supporting point to what I put.. so idk /;

Your history teacher is doing you a big disservice, in my opinion. If that's not the problem with your essay, then what is it?

[student3]

Well, my history teacher doesn't want us to include the supporting points with the thesis. He just wanted a simple statement, and said my thesis was fine... And he also told me to change my supporting point to what I put.. so idk /;

Your history teacher is doing you a big disservice, in my opinion. If that's not the problem with your essay, then what is it?

I'm with Emmi on this one.

[breadcat]

I have no idea.. but that was the way he wanted it.

But I know for sure that I will include all my supporting points in the introduction paragraph as well as the closing paragraph, but not in the thesis... which I am starting to feel weird about as well if I don't include it there.

But teachers are teachers so what can you do? You just have to do things the way they want to get good marks

[caliefleu]

Of course you need to support your argument and build your essay cause this topic is very important and you should approach it from many angles. But I'm sure you'll make a good job if you look for good sources and work on it

Anyway what I wanted to give you is the link to a short film I made about Auschwitz. It's 30min. it's not professional but people tell me it's all right. You could maybe use that as one of your sources!

http://vimeo.com/62593724

Hope it helps!

Good luck

[caliefleu]

Maybe you should also talk about all the museums, the days dedicated to the Holocaust, and how the Holocaust is still taught at school (for eg we are taught about the Holocaust in 9th grade at least in France and we study it in depth for the BAC).

But be sure to find more and more detailed argument. To me for example, we don't talk about the Holocaust enough, and though media and most government are trying to make efforts to remember but it's not enough anymore. I feel like people are starting to forget.

This is of course my opinion. But yeah, the Holocaust is a broad subject so you have to have many sources and various arguments.

Hope it helps again Good luck