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How would you like to be hit on?

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Hi! 

 

Today I was watching a video on what types of male behaviour women viewed as harassment and what was considered acceptable, and couldn't help but notice that it changes with every woman. What one woman views as dominant and masculine is considered by another as sexual harassment, and what some consider to be the appropriate way is seen by other women as "effeminate" and "unassertive".

 

So, I'd like to find out, how would you like to be approached? All are welcome to answer this (it's not limited to straight women).

 

Or is it one of those things where you say you'd like it a certain way for the benefit of everyone listening, but in reality you'd like it in a way that is less accepted by society? 

 

I personally prefer it when a guy is persuasive. Even if he isn't really good looking or anything, if he values himself enough to think that I would want him, it kind of makes me feel the same way. I'd like him to be well mannered but not soft spoken. Buying me a drink does nothing for me but telling me cool facts about my drink (for example) makes me more interested in him. "Bad boy" looking guys turn me off because they look like immature little ****s. At the end of the day, a hello and fun conversation is enough to get me into the guy. No need for any funky pick up behaviour :P And interestingly, I don't even have to be attracted to the guy at first. If he's fun to talk to, I automatically start getting attracted! 

 

So, how would you guys like to be hit on? 

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Well, I think it's an interesting question.

 

Personally, I think that the guys with self-confidence stand a bigger chance. Of course only in my case and it all depends on a person, that's sort of the point of it all. When there's a guy that comes to me and starts talking about basically anything but he is, in a way, brave enough to actually walk over to me, that's automatically a huge plus for me. Not that there's something wrong with the shy ones, it's just that you can't really be sure what their thoughts are if they can't express them clearly. For me, the key is communication. That's the vital thing when it comes to being hit on.

 

I'm all about funny intelligent guys (a lot of people say it doesn't go in pair but I choose to disagree) so if someone can make me laugh I'm growing attracted to that person even though I might not have been into him in the first place. Some girls find it repulsive when someone walks over to them since they see it as bothering, but when a guy is shy and doesn't talk to them at all, that's still bad. I think that's an issue. 

 

Unfortunately, I find myself attracted to the 'bad boy' type that you mentioned. It got me some heartbreaks in the past but it's something I can't seem to avoid. Likewise, in my case there has to be a bit of chemistry before. I feel like I can have amazing conversations with guys but if I'm not attracted to them upfront it's highly unlikely to change later on, therefor only friendship  :shifty:

 

But that's something really fascinating because, for example, I was never able to comprehend how one can sort of 'develop' feelings for someone because of a nice conversation or many things in common. I mean, I am able to get closer to or become fond of someone due to these things but it will never be able to change the chemistry between us...

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Nice question haha

First and foremost, I would like to reject the common misconception that guys consider looks as the primary criteria for interest in any girl. I would say, seeing a girl interested in guy stuff, which could really mean anything from enthusiastically following a sport to playing Call of Duty, is a huge plus. Another important point, that most girls don't realize, is that guys really value loyalty and also really like girls to open up with their problems and issues (Guess that makes us feel manly :P )

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Well, I think it's an interesting question.

 

Personally, I think that the guys with self-confidence stand a bigger chance. Of course only in my case and it all depends on a person, that's sort of the point of it all. When there's a guy that comes to me and starts talking about basically anything but he is, in a way, brave enough to actually walk over to me, that's automatically a huge plus for me. Not that there's something wrong with the shy ones, it's just that you can't really be sure what their thoughts are if they can't express them clearly. For me, the key is communication. That's the vital thing when it comes to being hit on.

 

I'm all about funny intelligent guys (a lot of people say it doesn't go in pair but I choose to disagree) so if someone can make me laugh I'm growing attracted to that person even though I might not have been into him in the first place. Some girls find it repulsive when someone walks over to them since they see it as bothering, but when a guy is shy and doesn't talk to them at all, that's still bad. I think that's an issue. 

 

Unfortunately, I find myself attracted to the 'bad boy' type that you mentioned. It got me some heartbreaks in the past but it's something I can't seem to avoid. Likewise, in my case there has to be a bit of chemistry before. I feel like I can have amazing conversations with guys but if I'm not attracted to them upfront it's highly unlikely to change later on, therefor only friendship  :shifty:

 

But that's something really fascinating because, for example, I was never able to comprehend how one can sort of 'develop' feelings for someone because of a nice conversation or many things in common. I mean, I am able to get closer to or become fond of someone due to these things but it will never be able to change the chemistry between us...

 

I know what you mean about the chemistry, and being attracted up front! 

 

However, I think my penchant for being attracted to guys from conversation with them is mainly due to two things: 

 

1) I realized long ago that "chemistry" without even talking to the other person is nothing but judgement of their physical characteristics. It tells me nothing about how intelligent he is, how deep his thought goes, if he's amazingly talented at something, or even if he's the most motivated and driven individual in the world. I mean, we women have been complaining forever that we are more than just how big our boobs are, so I think not extending the same consideration to guys is simply hypocritical (and might even be bad for business!). 

 

2) Being taught an introduction to quantum mechanics and its role as the basis of existence, while sitting under the stars, feels better than abs and a jawline. I swear. Hot guys (or at least the ones I've dated) tend to coast through girls simply on the basis of their looks. The guys without the characteristics that immediately attract girls (eg looks, confidence, money, etc) have worked hard to develop in some other area, and this so much more fulfilling. When you start talking to them, that development starts to hold a strong attraction because it's unique (developed by themselves, not given to them, so it has a certain "flavour"), sometimes quirky, and there're lots of positive secondary characteristics that person develops as a consequence.

 

I'm not trying to say I'm not attracted to guys that're the type who.. well, attract girls immediately. However, after some time dating and thinking for myself, I've figured out the above. Once that happened, unfortunately, a guy just being attractive did nothing for me. 

 

On a separate note.. I've always found it a bit unfair that we have a bunch of bs criteria for what's creepy and what's acceptable. Most of the time the distinction can be directly determined by how hot the guy is. What do you think about this?

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Nice question haha

First and foremost, I would like to reject the common misconception that guys consider looks as the primary criteria for interest in any girl. I would say, seeing a girl interested in guy stuff, which could really mean anything from enthusiastically following a sport to playing Call of Duty, is a huge plus. Another important point, that most girls don't realize, is that guys really value loyalty and also really like girls to open up with their problems and issues (Guess that makes us feel manly :P )

 

Oh please :P Do guys really like it when we tell you our problems? Judging by the way my boyfriend starts getting a glazed look when I get going, I was under the impression that men don't care too much about this!

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This of course, depends on the seriousness of the problem. No sane guy will care if a girl has a bad hair day or mistakenly taken a bad selfie :P

Edited by Knight

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Nice question haha

First and foremost, I would like to reject the common misconception that guys consider looks as the primary criteria for interest in any girl. I would say, seeing a girl interested in guy stuff, which could really mean anything from enthusiastically following a sport to playing Call of Duty, is a huge plus. Another important point, that most girls don't realize, is that guys really value loyalty and also really like girls to open up with their problems and issues (Guess that makes us feel manly :P )

 

Oh please :P Do guys really like it when we tell you our problems? Judging by the way my boyfriend starts getting a glazed look when I get going, I was under the impression that men don't care too much about this!

 

 

Exactly! I mean, I understand that men would like to feel needed but when, all of a sudden, a girl starts sharing her problems (and I do mean the serious ones  :shifty: ), somehow they feel like we're bothering them. Or it could possibly be that I've just met the wrong type of guys...

 

And a lot of girls like playing video games and sports but some of them just feel like it's not a good idea to share this bit of information with a guy they like because they might consider them not lady-like  :clap: Although I prefer to go full honesty, some girls just feel like they should act a certain way to be truly liked. 

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Hey, Im new to IB as well as IBsurvival, so please excuse any mistakes I make.

As a guy I have to agree with Knight. Guys do care about the problems girls have. It makes us feel good because our girl trusts us enough to confide in. At the same time, we don't like to be told every issue like my hair is messy or something. 

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I'm very pleased as I am, I don't want to be hit on :D

Unless guy approaches me as a friend and only friend I consider it ankward and usually become worried and sad. I don't even know why, usually those guys are quite nice people and don't hit me any harassive way.

I just fear I'll mess my friendship with them I guess.

I came to IB to study to get to uni, I don't have time for dating. I know boyfriend would distract me from my studies, so I don't want one :)

As a friend's guys are most welcome thou :)

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In my point of view I like guys that make me laugh. A really great approach for me will be telling a cute, funny joke or pick-up line. I think that women, like most human beings, like to be approached in a unique and entertaining way. So any person that is good at talking and comes up with great ice-breakers is good at approaching people. Then again, everything I say is my opinion. I think harassment starts when your intentions are bad. TOK talking in here, people know the direction of other´s approachement because of intuition, emotion and maybe just a little perception (by looking in the eyes of a person you can know many stuff) . So if a man with bad intentions starts talking to me I would feel it as harassment. In conclusion if the guy has good intentions and approaches me in a funny and entertaining way, he will definitely have my attention.

 

(Sorry for the grammar, English is not my first language. Any corrections would be accepted thankfully :)

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