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Do you neglect your other friends for your best friend?

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I guess even if people do this they are not really aware of it. I can't imagine doing this on purpose, but it's quite normal that we prefer to spend more time with people we like more than others. Therefore I find this question impossible to answer objectively - each person is different, with different social skills and awareness, and there is no clear border between different levels of friendship and states of neglection.

Edited by Slovakov
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Well, really, people drift apart. Honestly, its hard to like the same things over time.

At the same time, often people don't realise it. Rather than getting offended, talk to them, it helps.

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maybe offended isn't the right word, like should you let it bother you, or is that just being oversensitive?

 

It honestly depends on your personality. I am very sensitive so it definitely bothers me. So I personally don't think you're being oversensitive if you irritated with the fact that your friend isn't spending as much time with you. Just approach them if you're annoyed by it; tell them exactly how you feel, more often than not he/she will understand where you're coming from (as you'll make them aware of their behavior) and things will likely go back to normal. However sometimes people drift apart in which case you'll need to move on (easier said than done!). 

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Maybe I'm asking for too much, I mean we still do talk in the morning for about a few minutes, we used to chat on bus rides home but they started staying after school more and I do once a week and when they do come, they tell me they are too tired to talk

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I know how you feel man. I have a friend (who's practically a sister); I've known her for 14 years now. We did EVERYTHING together. But last year, she suddenly started getting really distant and she started...changing. She wouldn't hang out with any of her girlfriends anymore, she wouldn't hold a conversation, any plans would get cancelled...etc. And it hurt like crazy, still does. All I do is try to show her that I still care, I'm still there for her if she needs me and try not to feel too hurt. Looking at it now, my situation's slightly different but the feeling seems to be similar. 

 

What I suggest:

- Straight up talk to them about what's going on

- If they really care, talk to them. Even if they say they're tired, show them that you're making the effort. 

- Wait it out (sometimes, it's just a phase)

- Let it go (Take Elsa's advice and just drop it, give them space and if they value your friendship, they'll realize what they're missing)

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In addition to what Trojan said, maybe they are genuinely busy/tired. I started gymming in school, and honestly, I'm not the chattiest either. Plus, it also happens people drift apart (I know from experience).

 

 

Best things to do:

a) Tell them exactly what you feel

b) Maybe work out a time when your both free and chat

c) Maybe just move on? I mean, to quote Guns N' Roses, "Nothing lasts forever, not even cold November Rain". 

So yeah. Hope this helps.

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Umm well I've tried talking to her on multiple occasions and this is what happened:

 

1) I told her what I thought about how we were drifting and she said, "oh, yeah" and went back to her iPod

2) She gave me a funny look and walked away

3) She said "no, what makes you think that?" I got flustered and said, "oh, nothing, nothing at all" while in my head I was thinking, "literally the fact that you're not doing anything"

4) We made plans last summer and over the winter break and in the summer we didn't meet a single time, none at all. And it's a tradition we have that we always sleepover at each other's place (I got the stomach flu in the winter break so we couldn't have them then either)

5) She's been busy with school, which is understandable and I totally respect that

 

 

But what I cannot stand is that she'll make plans with other people but when I ask her if we could go out for an iced capp she says she doesn't have time 

 

I'm also just an emotional person so it hurts a lot...but I'm coping, giving her space, not giving up on her and we'll see how it goes this summer

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In full honesty, yes, I would. Just like everyone else, I would rather feel comfortable and spend my time with someone I am close to and whom I know I can keep an ongoing conversation with. 

While, if I went to more distanced friend, it will get pretty awkward when I run out of anything to say. 

Therefor, to save both of us the time and awkwardness, I would neglect my other friends, though not too much.

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Maybe I'm asking for too much, I mean we still do talk in the morning for about a few minutes, we used to chat on bus rides home but they started staying after school more and I do once a week and when they do come, they tell me they are too tired to talk

 

Too tired to talk...hmmm. Have you considered that may just be an excuse? I know for a fact that I'd talk to my friends regardless of whether I'm too tired or not if they want to talk - if we're too tired to talk to one another we usually just talk briefly rather than not talk at all. But that may just be how my friends and I are. 

Edited by Pink97

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wow thats really hard, I think you should approach her again and tell her exactly why and be frank and explain why

 

Yeah, I guess I'll try it again. After exams, but I suppose it's worth another shot. Hope stuff works out for you :)

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I kinda came forward to them about it, but they were like "Its not like I'm being a jerk to you, we just talk less, chill out"

And that's the way it is. I've never been too attached to people, so never made a big deal of them appearing and disappearing from my life. And so I think that it's the natural flow, that some relationships just won't stand the test of time and you have to accept it.  You'll meet new people, or maybe in a few years time, old friends will return... Nothing is constant in life and we have to accept it whether we like it or not. Of course it's always worth talking to your friends, but honestly, if someone approached me to talk about how often we should meet etc, I'd think it sounds weird... somewhat "artificial".

 

But it does depend on your personality and I see I'm a minority here with my "chilled" attitude towards other people. :P

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