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Help with my thesis please!

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I know what I’m trying to say but I just make it sound so awkward! My essay is over Mary Shelley’s book Frankenstein. My thesis so far is, “ In Frankenstein the monster is commenly percieved as the villian, however Victor shows how he is the true villain with his need to keep his creation a secret.”

 

please help!

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The part of yours that felt wrong was the "...as the villain, however Victor..." part. I would focus on changing that. 

Maybe "In Mary Shelley's novel Frankenstein, while it is commonly assumed the monster is the villain, Victor Frankenstein's desire to conceal his creation exposes him as the true menace of the story." I still think this is stilted and needs work, though.

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