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Thesis Development

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This is my thesis, If you could tell me if it is good, or if i need to be more specific. Please critique me. 

The implications of the townsfolk treating Frankenstein's Monster differently due to his looks drives him to praise the townspeople. 

 

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9 hours ago, Nomenclature said:

Who is "him" in this?

"him" is the monster. So to specify in the thesis should I write 

The implications of the townsfolk treating Frankenstein's Monster differently due to his looks drives the Creation to praise the townspeople.

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Sorry, it's been a long time since I read it and I don't remember much. As such, I can only speak in general terms, but generally you want to focus on something more than character action's. Your close, but you need to readjust your focus a little. If we're analyzing Harry Potter for example and we want to focus on his isolation and solitude, we don't want to say that Harry Potter's isolation as a child leads him to confront Lord Voldemort. I mean, sure, it's true; it's in the book. The problem is were just saying that something early in the plot leads to something later in the plot which is easily verifiable by reading the book but shouldn't be the focus of an IB essay. Instead, you should talk about something along the line of how The motif of solitude and isolation in Harry Potter contribute to the theme that maturation is a self-guided process. Or the characterization of Harry as a more and more self-confident youth reveals the theme that solitude and isolation are fundamental for maturation. Or anything really. You obviously don't want it to be too out there, some are more evident than others.

Does that make sense?

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