Thesis paragraph help!

[CPMVGD]

This summer we got an assignment for next year's IB English to write two thesis paragraphs

comparing elements between The House of the Spirits and Paradise of the Blind.

Here is one of my thesis paragraphs so far.

Clara and Que, the motherly figures in their own books, The House of the Spirits and Paradise of the Blind, respectively,

both show strong differences and similarities in their relationships with their children. Hang and Que attempt to

reconcile with each other near the end of their respective novel, Paradise of the Blind and try to build a better

relationship with each other. However, in The House of the Spirits, Blanca constantly maintains a close relationship with her mother, Clara.

I am not sure if I have a good paragraph going right now. Any suggestions on improvement would be wonderful! :DD

[sweetnsimple786]

I'm guessing the thesis paragraph is the first paragraph of an essay--the introduction.

That doesn't look like an introductory paragraph. I always formulate my thesis sentence first, and it's usually the last sentence of this paragraph.

I haven't read either books, and I am quite confused!

Let's say your thesis sentence is "Clara and Que, the motherly figures in their own books, The House of the Spirits and Paradise of the Blind, respectively, both show strong differences and similarities in their relationships with their children."

Now I suggest you change it to be more specific.

Both Clara and Que, the maternal figures in HoS and PotB, respectively, demonstrate CharacterTrait1, CharTrait2, and CharTrait3 in their relationships with their children.

My teacher said to focus on comparing much more than contrasting. If you want to contrast, then tweak the sentence accordingly. These are all just suggestions--what I would do.

so take that thesis sentence and use the intro paragraph to build up to it. In the thesis paragraph, you must include the authors and the books that you'll be discussing.

Now to start your intro or thesis paragraph, you'll want a hook that relates to your paper. Unlike a history paper, you can start an English paper with a general statement like "Mother figures are essential in a child's life." Then you can spend another sentence or two explaining your first sentence. Then you'll want to introduce both books and their authors. something like "Author1 of HoS and Author2 of PotB both place an emphasis on the mother figures in their respective books. Maybe write another sentence to elaborate and another sentence to transition to your thesis sentence. And tada! There's your thesis paragraph. Makes sense?

[CPMVGD]

I'm guessing the thesis paragraph is the first paragraph of an essay--the introduction.

That doesn't look like an introductory paragraph. I always formulate my thesis sentence first, and it's usually the last sentence of this paragraph.

I haven't read either books, and I am quite confused!

Let's say your thesis sentence is "Clara and Que, the motherly figures in their own books, The House of the Spirits and Paradise of the Blind, respectively, both show strong differences and similarities in their relationships with their children."

Now I suggest you change it to be more specific.

Both Clara and Que, the maternal figures in HoS and PotB, respectively, demonstrate CharacterTrait1, CharTrait2, and CharTrait3 in their relationships with their children.

My teacher said to focus on comparing much more than contrasting. If you want to contrast, then tweak the sentence accordingly. These are all just suggestions--what I would do.

so take that thesis sentence and use the intro paragraph to build up to it. In the thesis paragraph, you must include the authors and the books that you'll be discussing.

Now to start your intro or thesis paragraph, you'll want a hook that relates to your paper. Unlike a history paper, you can start an English paper with a general statement like "Mother figures are essential in a child's life." Then you can spend another sentence or two explaining your first sentence. Then you'll want to introduce both books and their authors. something like "Author1 of HoS and Author2 of PotB both place an emphasis on the mother figures in their respective books. Maybe write another sentence to elaborate and another sentence to transition to your thesis sentence. And tada! There's your thesis paragraph. Makes sense?

Yes, this makes a lot of sense, very useful advice! Thank you very much for the help ( again! ) and the quick reply! :P

[rrswong]

I've read both those books - they're actually 2 of the 3 we could choose to do our WL1 on. Because I've read them, I understand what you're trying to say, but you need to formulate a few points from those similarities and differences. For example, how distance plays a part in the mother/daughter relationships - Clara tries to communicate with Blanca through her psychic abilities when she's married to Jean de Satigny, but Hang has virtually no contact with her mother when she is in Russia. And also don't forget to put cultural references in your essay when you're writing it. Hope that helps!