History EE Outline review needed

[ethicalhacker]

Hello community,

just wanted to see what you guys think of my outline and my question. Tomorrow my rough draft is due....so you can imagine what I have to do tonight. I changed my topic a couple of times and that is why I am far behind in my timeline.

But, it is possible. I know it is my fault that it came this far and I believe I am not he only person here tha procastinates^^

Here it goes (btw my question has been approved by my mentor, coordinator, and everyone else involved with authority)

What Hitler did to pervert Patriotism in Germany

1. Abstract

2. Introduction

3. Patriotism in Germany during WWI

4. The Level of Patriotism after WWI

5. The Fall of the German Republic and the Treaty of Versailles

6. Hitlers Rise to Power

7. What Hitler did to pervert Patriotism

8. Conclusion

9. List of Sources

Yes, I am german, but I attend a high school in Texas. My intention is to set up the essay by talkng about what "good" patriotism used to be during WWI..going slightly into the details of patriotism in general. Then I move forward to what the level of patriotism was after WWI - The fall of the german republic and the treay of versailles was pretty much a slap in the fce for all the germans and brought their patriotism to a minimum thus enabling Hitler, who wrote his book "Mein Kampf" in prison and had enough tme to prepare his speeches, to take advantage of the situation. He takes democracy and especially patriotism as tools to pervert everything else. In other words he takes over by using the those two and then takes away all the power from the government. As a finishing touch I intend to talk about what exactly he did to pervert patriotism and mention his plans that he thoroughly describes in his book "Mein Kampf".

So basically it goes like this - patriotism (high) - then patriotism low - hitler brings up the level agai and gives germans hope but at the same time corrupts it - thus he can corrupt everthing else. He perverts patriotism in order to pervert eerything else.

Hope you guys get what I mean. I just need some feedback....makeme feel better!!! xDDDD

Honest oppinions please.

Thnx in advance.

Edited September 14, 2009 by Aboo
Don't put the thread title in Caps. Won't help you.

[sweetnsimple786]

Here it goes (btw my question has been approved by my mentor, coordinator, and everyone else involved with authority)

Even Obama approved it?

Okay but for real, I think that you might be spending too many words on background-ish topics. I see the necessity to go into patriotism before WW1 so that you can compare it to patriotism after WW1, but do you mean to compare it to patriotism right after WW1 with the war guilt clause in the treaty where Hitler isn't quite in power yet and also compare it to patriotism with Hitler in charge?

If you look at your outline, you get to the meat of your essay at #7. You're spending so much time setting up for your topic that I'm afraid it's almost tangential. Other than that, I like your take on it. If you've read his book, then that'll be a great primary source to include, so kudos on that.

[ethicalhacker]

Thank you for your response. Like you said, I spend "waste" alot of words in my essay to set up my topic. I agree wth you there. But it is very imprtant that I mention pre Hitler patriotism and put counter arguments in my essay I really dont wanna make the mistake of writig an informative paper!!! My counter arguments are the treaty and the fall of the german republic....then i move into hitler and prove my point. What do you think I can change in my outline to make it better? Combine 4 and 5 maybe? That knd of goes hand in hand.

The point is that patriotism is not what it is today because of the treaty and the fall of the repblic but because of hitler. germans are ncomfortable showing patriotism up to this day because everyone just has hitler in mind...and in fact he is the one who made us victims of our own country till today. I hpe you get what i mean. if i express myself a little bad and have problems bringing my point across it is due to my lack of vocabulary in english.....somtimes i am missing those nice words to make it understandable.

[sweetnsimple786]

The point is that patriotism is not what it is today because of the treaty and the fall of the repblic but because of hitler.

Did you mean to say that patriotism today is what it is not because of the treaty or the fall of the republic but rather because of Hitler's perversions?

I think that you should make your main argument earlier in the essay. Rather than presenting counterarguments first, get into your actual argument. Talk about #3 then talk about patriotism after Hitler rose to power. Then argue that Hitler perverted patriotism. Then present the counterargument that maybe it wasn't Hitler [however you're planning on saying this]. Then refute the counterarguments. This should help you make the entire essay revolve around Hitler's actions

[ethicalhacker]

The reason why I putthe counter arguments first is because I was planning on refuting them with my hitler argument. How do you think I can refute them after talking about hitler already?

What do you think if I just leave away the treaty of versailles and fall of german republic point and instead nclude that in the leve of patriotism after WWI!!?!?!?

This is what it would be:

1. Abstract

2. Introduction

3. Patriotism in Germany during WWI

4. Patriotism after WWI and what caused it

5. Hitler’s Rise to Power

6. What Hitler did to pervert patriotism

7. Conclusion

8. List of Sources

Edited September 14, 2009 by Aboo

[sweetnsimple786]

Okay once again, sorry I can't comment on the other stuff. But don't freak out too much if it's just a rough draft.

Yes, it would make sense to include the anger as a part of patriotism due to the fall of the republic and the treaty of Versailles after WW1. I think this would make it a really big part, but it'd make your EE clearer in the sense that you're concentrating on two main things: before and after. Just figure out if you want to do before and after Hitler rose to power or before and after WW1/WW2.

[ethicalhacker]

1. Abstract

2. Introduction

3. Patriotism in Germany during WWI

4. Patriotism in Germany after WWI

5. Hitler’s Rise to Power

6. What Hitler did to pervert patriotism

7. Conclusion

8. List of Sources

Number 4 includes my counter arguments (Treaty of Versailles and the fall ofthe republic) that I will refute with hitler's perversion of patriotism.

I think this puts the focus of the essay on hitler more. Right?

Edited September 14, 2009 by ethicalhacker

[sweetnsimple786]

If you're going to dedicate more words to #6 then yes. I think you have a good working outline and I hope you were able to write a decent rough draft. Your supervisor will now be able to make comments and suggestions and is in a better position than I. Ask him/her the concerns that I brought up if you want to, but you don't have to. I do think it was a good idea to condense the #4.